My Big Fat Fake Honeymoon

And I want to see him fully aroused. I want to touch it. I want to taste it. I want to feel it.

Maybe I could just peek a little? If I’m careful, he might even sleep through it.

“Good morning, Abigail. Every filthy thought running through your head is written on your face, mia rosa,” he growls out, his voice rough with sleep. “I love it, so bold and eager.”

Busted!

But I’m not one to throw my cards down and walk away from the table, even when I’ve lost. I double down. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was looking out the window at the beautiful sunrise.”

“Mmmhmm,” he says, not believing a word. He casually reaches down and scratches his balls, and I track the movement. Until he chuckles again. That gets me moving.

I hop out of bed, snatching up my robe to throw over my own nightclothes. Thanks for the super-short nightgown, Archie!

But before I can escape into the bathroom, my bedroom door opens. Janey stands there with two cups of coffee and a mouth open so wide, she could catch flies. She recovers quickly, though, her open mouth becoming a wide grin. “G’morning, Boss. G’morning, Boss’s dick du jour.”

“Janey!”

She has zero shame or apology as she hands me one of the cups. Then she has the nerve to bypass me and offer the other to Lorenzo. “This one was supposed to be mine, but you can have it. It’s black, and you’re hard.”

“Seriously? Can you cover up?” I shriek at both of them as Lorenzo nods his thanks for the coffee.

“She’s a little grumpy in the morning,” Janey stage-whispers, “but with you here, I’d think she’d be a little more chill. Unless you didn’t get the job done?” she pries with narrowed eyes. “You’re working with quality dick, but it’s not just the equipment. You gotta put in the work too. Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work.”

“Janey! Get out!” I yell, forcibly pushing her out of the room. As I slam the door, Lorenzo laughs heartily.

“Get dressed, Abs. We need to be downstairs for the meeting in an hour. No time for hanky-panky, Romeo,” Janey says.

“Lorenzo,” he calls out to correct her.

I don’t think she misspoke, though. She knows his name, and she knows me. I like love and romance, and she thinks Lorenzo might be my Romeo. But did she forget that everyone dies in that play?

We get dressed, and the process feels intimate, a dance around the room as we take showers, brush teeth, and pull on clothes for this meeting.

“I think we need to leave a few minutes apart so we arrive separately. Less suspicious that way,” I tell Lorenzo as I slick waterproof mascara onto my lashes. The heat here is fierce, and I might cry angry tears if Meredith gets too bitchy, so the heavy-duty stuff is a necessity.

He pauses to give me a narrow-eyed glare. “Everyone will be arriving at the same time because that’s when the meeting starts.”

That sounds so reasonable but feels so risky. I’m not sure I can walk in there at his side and not be tomato-faced and obvious about where we spent the night. Even if it’s not exactly what people would think.

When I don’t answer, Janey does for me from the bedroom doorway. “Just go along with it, dude. She needs to be on her A-game, and I can’t have you fucking up this opportunity.”

He shakes his head. “Fine. I’m ready, so I’ll head down now.” But he doesn’t leave. No, he comes over to the vanity, framing me with his arms and pressing me to the cabinet. Meeting my eyes in the mirror, he says, “Go to this meeting and be The Abigail Andrews. Later, you will be mine.”

He passes by a starry-eyed Janey with a nod, and once the door of the suite opens and then closes, she screeches. “Ahh! Holy shit, Abs! I need to hear everything. Every. Single. Thing.”

I open my mouth to share some of what happened last night, but she holds up a hand. “Not now. As much of a greedy bitch as I am, we have to get our asses in gear. Unless Lorenzo got yours? I’ll be late this morning if you’re telling tales of anal with that particularly wow specimen of maleness.” She holds out her hands in a movement that reminds me of Carly reaching for her beloved Cheerios. Gimme, gimme, gimme.

“No! Nothing like that!” I claim.

“Then you, out the door. Now.” Janey’s not kidding, literally shoving me toward the door.

Downstairs, Meredith looks at her watch with a lift of her brows as Janey and I walk in, despite the fact that we’re not only on time but early. The room is full, way more people than I expected.

“Now that everyone’s here, let’s get started . . .” Meredith directs.