Only Tonight

This time around, I have a feeling it’s going to be different. No one is going to prison. This time we're cutting off the head of the beast. I don’t only mean one, either. No one is going to make it out alive at the end except for those girls. I don't need any of them tracking me down. They’ll be six feet under. That is the only way I can start a new life. That’s the plan, at least.

But does anything really ever go as planned?6KinleyI sit in my hotel room asking myself What am I doing? At the moment I’m having a pity party for one while killing the mini bar and stalking my new brother-in-law. He made Page Six today in the gossip column.

I’m not sure if I should be happy or mad about that. It wasn't me that made it with him. It was the girl that I saw entering his room the morning that I left. I knew she looked familiar, but I couldn’t place where I’d seen her before. Turns out she’d been the waitress that couldn't keep her eyes off Luke the night of the rehearsal dinner. I guess I wasn't the only one he handed out keys to his room to. That thought sours my mood. I take another sip of champagne.

Had he taken her back to his room that first night when I’d shot him down? Had Luke invited her back when he realized I had taken off on him? My stomach turns at the idea. I pop another overpriced M&M into my mouth.

I knew exactly what I’d been getting myself into when I spent the night with Luke. I think I’m mixing love and sex up in my head. That has to be it. At times he was so gentle with me and then others he was ravenous. I thought he felt the same pull that I had. He’d said those words, but for all I know those are the kinds of things people say in the heat of the moment. I could barely think straight when the man was touching me.

It wasn’t until my plane was in the air that I’d thought about protection. Or lack of it. How could I have been so stupid? If he so easily didn't use it with me, then that means he probably doesn’t use it with others as well. I would think he’d have a bunch of kids out in the world unless he knows he can’t get someone pregnant. I take a deep, calming breath and try to get myself under control. My thoughts are all over the place.

In passing I’d heard him say that marriage was not something he wanted. If you don’t want marriage one would assume that you don’t want children either. I long to have both of those things one day.

I close my laptop, needing to get some fresh air. I pick up my phone to see I have a few texts from my mother. I’m not shocked to see that she’s already trying to set me up on a date. I mean, the woman’s efforts have no bounds. Being in a different country doesn’t even stop her from trying to marry me off. That woman really hadn’t learned her lesson with Gerrit, my sister's husband.

Or that might be the problem. They feel that Gerrit is too unpredictable for them. They hadn’t planned on him actually falling in love with my sister, Kennedy. They thought it was an arranged marriage for business purposes that would ultimately benefit them. They’d been blindsided by Gerrit’s love for Kennedy. Now they know it would only take one word from my sister, and she could have their fancy, rich life crumbling to the ground.

Obviously my mom has set her eyes on me now. I got away from that house in the nick of time. I let out a stupid sigh when I see that there are no messages from Luke. I blocked him, so I'm not sure why I would be expecting any.

I shove my phone back into my purse before heading out of the hotel to do what I was supposed to be doing. Finding myself. Exploring not only this beautiful place but getting to know myself better. When I exit, I stand there for a moment looking both ways. There are so many new possibilities, but it feels overwhelming. This finding myself thing sounded a whole lot easier than it’s turning out to be.

I turn, asking the bellman in French where the closest art museum is. He gives me directions and it’s within walking distance. After a short walk, I enter the museum and immediately begin to get lost in the collections. I linger on each piece, trying to imagine what the artist felt as he created it. Each piece evokes a different emotion from me.