Jesus. I really had taken us somewhere depressing.
Her eyes were piercing. She looked like she might cry. I hoped to hell she wouldn’t. I couldn’t have handled that.
“I felt every word you just said, Sebastian. Every word. I’ve obviously never lost a spouse, but I watched my dad go through it. And I understand firsthand that feeling of going through the motions. I really do.”
I downed the last of my lukewarm tea, wishing it were scotch, and placed the empty cup down. “What a fucking downer this tea turned out to be. I bet you’re wishing you were back with Bathroom Boy right about now.”
“God, no.” She sighed. “Do you know how rare it is to have a deep, adult conversation that I can relate to?”
“I certainly didn’t plan to ambush you with that.”
“Anytime you want to talk. Honestly. I’m happy to listen.” She winked. “But you might get an earful from me, too. That’s the risk.”
“Alright. Thanks.”
Sadie tilted her head and studied me quietly. She seemed to be debating something she might want to say.
“Can I ask you something?” she eventually said.
“Pretty sure I owe you an answer to anything you want after what I just asked you to answer.”
A giant grin spread across her face. “Good. If you were watching a naked woman dance, would you rather she danced to Sir Mix-a-Lot or Lewis Capaldi?”
I chuckled. “You’re an interesting woman, Sadie. That is definitely not a question I could have anticipated you asking right now.”
“Is that a bad or good thing?”
My eyes looked back and forth between her eyes. “It’s a very good thing. And I really like big butts.”
It took her a second to realize what I’d meant. I had no idea why she’d asked the question, but the smile on her face told me I’d picked the right answer, and I liked that a whole lot.
We ended up busting out Birdie’s cookies and talking some more. She told me a little about her childhood upstate, about her dad’s funny weather instruments, and asked me some questions about the restaurant business, which of course I could’ve talked about all night. We spoke about her career. Sadie told me while she didn’t foresee leaving the magazine, she hoped to move away from the dating column eventually to try something new. The conversation with her was just . . . easy.
And it had felt good to unload, too. But now that I’d snapped out of my fleeting emotional stupor from earlier, I was back to staring at her lips while she spoke. That felt wrong for so many reasons. If it were just a physical attraction, maybe I could have justified it. But there was a pang in my chest right now that I didn’t want to feel. That I couldn’t feel.
And here comes closed-off Sebastian in three, two, one . . .
My chair skidded against the floor as I slid it back. “Well, I don’t want to keep you.”
She looked surprised by my sudden hint that it might be time for her to leave. She’d seemed so comfortable. Just like I’d felt before that realization hit. I was comfortable. Too comfortable.
She looked down at her phone. “Yeah. I, uh, better get going.”
I ended up calling her an Uber.
After she left that night, I took our dirty teacups to the sink and noticed the red lipstick mark on hers. And my dick twitched.
Now I’d resorted to getting turned on by a lipstick mark? It was definitely time to get laid again. Just not with Sadie.
I repeat. Not with Sadie.CHAPTER 14
SADIE
“So what’s going on in Birdie Land? I feel like you’ve clammed up ever since you started going back to the Maxwell household again.” Devin plopped down in a guest chair on the other side of my desk with her coffee in hand. She wiggled her eyebrows. “Better yet, what’s going on with Hot Dad?”
I had been pretty quiet on that front lately. While I’d shared all the crazy antics with her since the very first letter, something changed after I’d come clean and Sebastian let me resume my visits. I wasn’t pretending to be someone I wasn’t anymore, so things sort of became . . . I don’t know . . . real. And that made it feel private, like something I shouldn’t be gossiping about.
But after the other night when I went to pick up my iPad, and Sebastian and I spent some time talking, I did feel the need to talk about things right now. God knows I’d overanalyzed that evening enough already and still couldn’t make heads or tails of what had gone wrong.
“Actually . . . I spent some time alone with Sebastian a few nights ago.”
Devin’s eyes widened. “Oh my God! And you are telling me this now? Why didn’t I get the play-by-play the day after it happened?”