Only One Chance (Only One 2)

“Not as eventful as yours,” I say, taking a bite of the burger. “I mean, I spent twenty-five thousand dollars on a man.” I take another bite, and my grandmother looks at me.

“You spent twenty-five thousand dollars on a man, and you’re here?” She shakes her head. “Child, for that price, he better fan me after and feed me grapes.” She takes a bite of her burger. “He also wouldn’t be allowed to leave for a year.”

“It was a children’s auction.” I put my burger down and grab a fry, avoiding her eyes. “And those other women were bidding and …”

“And you got jealous and said not today, Karen.” She points at me. “That’s my girl. You go get your man.”

“He’s not my man, Grandma.” I push away from the table, going to get a bottle of water and spotting the brownies that are in the fridge. “I don’t like him at all. He gets on my nerves. He’s cocky.” I put up my finger. “He’s arrogant. He’s rude. He’s not my type.” Okay, fine, he is my type.

“Is he hot?” she asks me with a smirk.

I shrug and grab my phone, opening to a picture of the both of us that he sent us and handing it to her. “I don’t think so.” She grabs it from me and puts on her glasses that are hanging around her neck.

“Are you blind?” she asks me, looking at me and then zooming in on the picture or rather the crotch of his picture.

“Grandma,” I say, grabbing it from her. “I’m not blind. There is something about him that turns me off and makes me cringe.”

“You like him,” she says. “And you hate that you like him.”

“One, I don’t like him.” I put my phone down and grab the burger, so I don’t have to look into her eyes. Okay, fine, I might like him, or maybe I’m intrigued by him. Maybe I just need to have sex with him and be done with it. After that, the chase will be over, and he could move on and stop trying to get me to date him. “Two, I don’t like him.”

“You said that already.” She smiles, folding her hands together. “What else don’t you like about him?”

“Fine.” I throw up my hands. “This I can do. I can tell you all the ways I don’t like Miller.”

“I’m listening, dear,” she says.

“One, he’s pushy,” I finally say. “He’s always trying to get me to go out with him.” She rolls her eyes. “Two, he’s annoying. Three, he’s crass. He sent a picture of his penis to his whole friend list.”

She slaps the table, turning around to get her phone. “What friend list?” she asks. “Should I like him on Instagram, or is it the tik tok?”

“Grandma,” I snap at her and then lean back in my chair. “If you like him so much, get dressed and you can go out with him.”

She pushes away from the table and gets up. “Fine by me,” she says and walks into her bedroom. “You won’t have to ask me twice.”

I smile. “This is perfect,” I say, putting my hands together in front of my mouth. “Technically, I’m still going on a date with him. It’s just going to be through my grandmother,” I say to myself and look up when she sticks her head out of the bedroom.

“Panties or commando?” she asks me. “Should I go for easy access, or should I play hard to get?” She doesn’t even wait for me to answer. “I’ll see if you can see my panty lines and then decide,” she says, going to the bathroom. I hear the shower turn on, and she walks back in naked. “I am going to rock his world.”

It’s my turn now to sit here with my mouth hanging open. Oh, God, maybe this isn’t a good idea, I think to myself, but when my grandmother comes out of her room thirty minutes later all dressed up, I don’t have the heart to tell her no. Her bright pink dress goes all the way to the floor, flowing around her legs. She walks over to grab the long yellow shawl she had before. She has a blue necklace and matching bracelets and rings.

“Honey, can you close the patio door for me,” she says, and I get up and close it while she grabs her purse. She is stuffing something into it, and she turns to me. “Let’s go so I can meet my man.”

“Yes, I can’t wait,” I say to her, and we walk out of the house arm in arm. She stops on the way to the car to inform everyone we see that she has a hot date tonight. She gets in the car and opens the window to let the fresh air in.