I hear a knock on the door and lower the volume of the television, waiting to see if perhaps I was mistaken, but the knock comes again. I look at the clock on the wall and see that it’s just a little past nine thirty in the morning. “Who on earth,” I say, walking to the door and unlocking it.
My heart speeds up when I see it’s him. It’s not like I haven’t seen him in the past week. I’ve seen him when I was watching the game. I might have even taped the games and then rewound when I knew he was going to be on. But now he’s standing there in front of me wearing jeans and a T-shirt with a leather jacket. His aviator glasses hide his eyes. I made myself bury the hurt that I felt all week. I forced myself to literally wash him out of my hair, but now here he is, and I’ll be damned if I admit that I’m happy to see him. I don’t even know why I feel like this since the last time I saw him, I was telling him how I didn’t like half of him.
“Good morning,” he says, his smirk coming out. “I brought you coffee,” he says, holding up two cups of coffee. I didn’t even see them in his hands because I was trying to get my heart to beat properly and my breathing to slow from panting.
“Um,” I say, trying to sound smooth, but my mouth is so dry I can’t even swallow.
“You look nice,” he says with a smile, and all I can do is stand here holding the door handle. “Can I come in?” He smirks now again. I move aside so he can walk in, not sure I can talk without stuttering. “It’s good to see you, gorgeous,” he says, stopping beside me and leaning down to kiss the corner of my mouth.
I close the door, turning to see him walking into the house. “What are you doing here?” I ask him when I finally get my words to come back to me. “I mean, why are you here?”
“I’m here to bring you coffee,” he tells me. “And because I missed you.”
“Miller.” I say his name.
“Did you miss me?” he asks, and I just look at him. “Honestly.”
I fold my arms over my chest. “I mean, I saw you at least four nights.”
He laughs now. “I heard your voice every day.” My stomach gets a little flutter. “Listen, about what you said,” he says as he puts the coffees down on the counter. “You were right.”
My mouth hangs open, and my heart that never really got to a normal heartbeat since I opened the door speeds up even more. My palms feel sweaty, so I rub them together. “What was I right about?”
“You were right about the way I acted in front of you,” he says, and I cross my arms over my chest to keep them from shaking. “The way I act with fans in general, especially women.” I look at him and tilt my head to the side. “I didn’t get it until …”
“Until?” I ask, waiting for him to continue.
“Until I spoke with the guys about it,” he says, and I now laugh.
“Which guys exactly did you talk to about this?” I ask, suddenly wondering who he would even discuss this with.
“Ralph and Manning.” He smiles shyly. “It was bothering me.” His voice goes lower when he says the next sentence. “And I was in a really shitty mood. I landed in Edmonton and didn’t have a coat.”
“It’s winter,” I tell him, and he rolls his eyes at me.
“Trust me, I’m aware. My balls froze and shriveled up,” he says. “But anyway, I realized that how I acted with them was not okay, and it was inappropriate.” I just listen to him, not wanting to smile too big. “I’ve been watching my every move.”
“I don’t want you to change,” I tell him.
“I’m not changing for you,” he tells me. “I’m changing for me. I don’t want to be that guy,” he says. I can see he’s nervous, so I get up and go to him. Standing in front of him, I can smell his aftershave. “I want to be the one who flirts with only you.” He smirks at me. “I want to be the one who sends naughty pictures only to you.” I laugh, shaking my head.
“How about we refrain from sending any dirty pictures?” I joke, but his face doesn’t turn up into the smile I want to see.
He still looks at me, his face showing me that he isn’t joking about this. “I want to be with you.” He comes closer, his voice going really low. “And only you.” I look down and then look up again, and he tucks the hair behind my ear. “And I never want you to doubt that.” He uses his thumbs to rub my cheeks. “You never have to doubt your worth with me, gorgeous.” He uses the nickname I’ve come to love. “Because, to me, you are worth everything.”