Only One Chance (Only One 2)

I put the car in park and jump out, calling his name. “Miller,” I say, running to him as he ignores me and walks into his house. “Please, I can explain.”

“Not interested,” he says, his voice sounding defeated.

“Please, you have to give me a chance to explain,” I say to his back, and it kills me that we have to do this here in the middle of his driveway. It kills me that I am not doing it while holding his hand as I wanted.

“A chance to explain?” He laughs bitterly, dropping his bag. “A chance to explain? You’ve got to be kidding me.” He stops walking and turns around to face me.

In my whole life, I’ve only ever regretted one thing. Now standing here in front of him, seeing the hurt and pain on his face, I regret doing this to him. I want to go to him, and I want to hold his face while I tell him my side of the story. I want to tell him everything.

“I don’t think I need you to explain anything to me. I pretty much got the whole story. Your husband sort of explained everything that needs to be explained,” he says, his voice tight. I want to go to him. I want to sit him down and tell him the secret that I’ve been keeping from him. The secret that I never told anyone. The secret that I was so afraid to tell him, yet I knew that if we continued, I would have no choice.

“He’s my ex-husband,” I tell him, making sure he at least knows that. That whatever comes from this conversation, he’ll know I’m not an adulterer. “And it was a long time ago.”

“Do you think that makes it better?” he snaps, and the tears that I forced myself not to shed in front of him come now. I can’t even try to stop them as they pour down my face. “You lied to me.” The four words cut me off at the legs. “I told you from day one that I hated lies.”

“I never lied to you,” I say softly.

He laughs now. “All this time, you had trust issues with me. You doubted me all the time.” He looks at me, shaking his head. “You made me jump through fucking hoops to make sure you could trust me. What a fucking idiot I was,” he says. “Because all this time, I was the one who should have had you jumping through hoops. I was the one who should not have trusted you.” He points at himself. “All this time, I wanted to show you how worthy I was of you, but in the end”—he looks me straight in the eyes—“you aren’t worth it.” He picks up his bag, his words cutting me to the core of my heart.

“Get the fuck out of here,” he says, turning his back to me and walking into the house.

My hands shake, and I jump when the front door slams shut, leaving me in the middle of his driveway. I turn to walk back to my car, and the whole time, my legs shake and threaten to give out as soon as I reach my car door.

His words hit me over and over again. “You aren’t worth it.” I pull out of his driveway in a daze, the tears pouring down my face. I don’t even feel them anymore.

When I pull up in my driveway, I see that his car is gone. I walk in, feeling like I just got hit by a Mack truck. My whole body aches, and I take my phone, texting Brian about tomorrow. I tell him that I have a fever and that I don’t think I will be able to work. He answers right away that he will get someone to take my place and tells me to go to the doctor.

I open the door of my house and look around, seeing that he left all the lights on. I turn off the lights and drag myself to my bedroom. I curl up into a ball in the middle of my bed, and I close my eyes.

All I can see is the hurt on his face. All I can hear are the words he said. All I can do is pray that this is a nightmare and that tomorrow when I wake up, it’ll be in his arms. But sleep doesn’t come and take me. Instead, I get undressed and then slip on my sweats and his shirt. I climb back into bed, my body shivering, my teeth clattering.

I finally sob out loud for him. I cry for the man who chased me for the past four years. I cry for the man who made me smile more than anyone in my whole like. I cry for the lost tomorrows.