Only One Chance (Only One 2)

I shake my head, and five minutes later, the room is filled with people. We get in line to grab our meal, and I wish I could say I felt festive, but I don’t. I grab the turkey and stuffing and a biscuit, following Grandma over to a table. We sit with her friends as they tell stories about how everything has changed. I eat until I’m stuffed and get up to go get some pie. When I get back to the table, the music starts to play, and I see her friends getting up to go bust a move.

“Are you having a good time?” Grandma asks, sitting back in her chair.

“You know I always have a good time with you,” I say, smiling.

“Have you spoken to Miller?” she asks me, and I shake my head and blink away the tears that have struggled to stay inside all day. “Have you tried to call him?”

“No,” I say the truth. “Grandma, he blocked me.”

“You don’t know that for sure,” she tells me, and I look at her. “Okay, fine, I don’t know how those things work, but you can’t go on like this.” She puts her elbows on the table now. “You didn’t even take your divorce this bad.”

I shrug. “I think it’s time for a change,” I tell her, and she just looks at me. “My contract is almost up, and I was thinking …” I say, looking out at the dance floor that is full of people with their families celebrating. Kids dressed in their best clothing, running around chasing each other with balloons. Sons dancing with their mothers, and fathers dancing with their daughters. “I’m going to talk to someone about transferring.” She doesn’t say anything to me.

“Running away isn’t going to change anything,” she tells me, and now a tear does come out of my eye.

“It’s been a month, Grandma, and my chest still hurts when I think about him. It’s been a month that I wake up in tears. I just need a fresh start. I need to not say his name every single day. I need to not have to watch him on the television and have my heart break because I can’t talk to him or see him.” I look down at my pie, grabbing a napkin. “It’s just too much for me.”

“You think that if you move away, it’s going to be better?” she asks me. “You love him, baby girl. That love won’t go away.”

“I know,” I admit. “But it might make it a little easier. Maybe.”

“Well, wherever you go, I go,” she says, and I look at her, shocked. “You didn’t think I’d let you move away from me.”

“Your life is here,” I tell her, looking around.

She shrugs. “If we are being honest …” She looks around. “It’s slim pickings these days.”

I laugh now for the first time in a long time. “Why haven’t you gone to him?”

I shake my head. “You didn’t see the hurt in his eyes or the way he looked at me. Whatever he felt for me, it was gone the minute he found out I not only lied to him but I was also divorced..” I swallow. “He’s going to make a great husband,” I tell her, the words almost not coming out. “I have to give him the chance to get to that.”

“Why don’t you give yourself one more chance?” she says to me. “Why don’t you go and fight for him?”

My heart goes to my throat. “What if he doesn’t want me?” I shake my head. “I don’t think I can survive it twice.”

“Baby girl,” she says. “The best love is the one fought for.”

“That’s what Google says,” I tell her, laughing at the little joke that reminds me of Miller.

“May I have this dance?” The man who Grandma kissed before comes over and holds out his hand for her.

“If you play your cards right,” she says, putting her hand in his, “you can get more than a dance.” He smirks at her, and I just watch her spend the night dancing. I smile at the kids who bump into me and smile at the parents when they kiss their kids goodbye.

I get up finally and walk over to kiss my grandmother. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” I tell her, and she hugs me.

“Don’t give up,” she says, kissing my cheek. I walk back to her apartment to grab my jacket and make my way home. I unlock the door and shrug my jacket off. I undress, slipping into my jogging pants and a large shirt. I grab my cover and cover myself on the couch. I just lie here watching the white lights on my tree twinkle.

I didn’t want to put up a tree, but Granma Nancy came over while I was at work and transformed my house. I grab my phone, and my heart speeds up.