“What?” he says. “You’re leaving?” He puts his hand to his chest. “You can’t leave. Did you not get my text?”
“No,” I say, shaking my head.
It’s his turn to talk. “I love you so much that my chest hurts,” he starts telling me. “I love you so much that I don’t sleep in my bed.” I open my mouth. “I love you so much that I kept trying to think of ways to make it up to you. I kept trying to come up with ways to get you back. I thought that I would do it the next day, but I kept thinking that if you wanted me, you would have come to me.”
“I came to you!” I shout, wiping a tear away. “I came to you.” I walk out now. “You let me go.”
“If you give me a chance,” he says. “I’ll never let you go again.” His voice breaks at the end.
I put my hand in front of my mouth and sob out. He takes two steps to me, and I’m enveloped in his arms. His arms wrap around my waist as he picks me up, and my legs and arms automatically wrap around him. I bury my face in his neck, smelling him in. “What took you so long?” I ask him quietly.
“Fucking Google,” he says, and I throw my head back, and I laugh but only for a minute because his lips find mine.Chapter 36MillerMy tongue slips into her mouth, and I forget about everything. My heart soars in my chest, and I pull back from her mouth and just hold her in my arms. She lays her head on my shoulder and buries her face in my neck.
Walking into the dark house, I go straight to her bedroom. “I missed you.” I hear her whisper when I sit on the bed. For the whole day, I was strung up, snapping at everyone—my parents, my siblings, journalists, the equipment manager, just about anyone who tried to approach me. Then I walked out and saw her laughing with my parents, and alI I wanted was to hold her by my side and tell them that this was her. This was the woman who I was in love with. But she ran off, somehow disgusted by me, and all I could think about is that the last time she saw me, I was with another woman.
“I missed you so much,” I say to her, and I suddenly want the lights on. I want to see her. I lean forward and turn on the lamp beside her bed, illuminating the room in a soft yellow. “We have to talk,” I tell her, enough with the silence between us.
She is about to climb off my lap, but I tighten my hold around her. She looks into my eyes, and I can’t help but lean in just to touch her lips. Her hand comes up to rub the scruff on my face. “Hi,” she whispers, leaning in again just to touch my lips with hers. “You’re here,” she says, and I see a tear forming in the corner of her eye. She kisses me again. “I’m not dreaming.”
“You’re not dreaming, gorgeous,” I say. She hangs her head and buries her face in my chest. My hands find her face and pick it up so she looks at me. The tears rolling down her cheeks kill me. “No more tears.”
“I never wanted to keep it from you,” she says softly. “I just …” She shrugs. “I didn’t want you to judge me.”
“For starters, I don’t give a flying fuck that you were married. I actually should send him a fruit basket or something.” Her eyebrows close together. “If he wasn’t such an asshole, I wouldn’t be here with you.”
“I mean, if you put it like that, we should send him flowers, too.” She tries to joke and sniffles.
“The second part, I forgot about you being married five minutes after you left my house.” I push her hair behind her ear. “I followed you home,” I tell her, and she opens her eyes. “I should have come after you. I should have parked the car and got out and had the balls to talk to you.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “But I was scared you’d tell me you didn’t love me. I was afraid I was the only one who felt this. I was afraid that after everything was said and done, you didn’t want me like that.”
“I know it’s too late,” she says, “but I was going to tell you that weekend. I couldn’t continue like that. It was just too heavy on my heart, and you needed to know the truth.”
“Just so you know,” I say, “I loved you then. The time away from you, it killed me slowly inside. Not to come home to you. Not to speak to you. I used to listen to you every single day. I would close my eyes and pretend you were beside me. I was a shell of a man. I spent Christmas with you on my mind. I drove by here when I got back from my parents’, and the lights were off, so I thought you were out.”