“Well,” I say softly, looking back at the pasta. “I have been told that you should just say it like you’re ripping off a Band-Aid.”“Really?” he says, folding his arms over his chest. I can tell he’s nervous about something.“Really,” I say to him, suddenly afraid of what he is going to say.“Fine,” he finally says. I hold my breath, waiting for him to say the worst thing I can think of—that he doesn’t want me to come over anymore. “I want to fire you.” My mouth flies open. “But I know I need you.”“Okay,” I say, not sure what to say. “Can I know why you want to fire me?”“I need you to help me with social media. I need you to help me set up the foundation, and when I read the email you sent me two days ago, I was in awe. You just, you’re amazing,” he says, and the struggle on his face is real.“So why would you want to fire me?” I ask him, my mouth suddenly dry, and the lump in my throat is forming. Tears sting my eyes, but I blink them away.“Because,” he says softly, “I want to date you.”The words hit me straight in the heart, and my mouth opens. “I know it’s stupid,” he says, pushing off the counter. “And you don’t have to say anything.” I try to say something, anything, but the words are all stuck in my throat. “And it’ll probably be super awkward now, so you can ignore what I just said.”“Why?” I ask him, and he just looks at me.“Why?” he asks me, confused. “Like why do I want to date you, or why do I want you to ignore it?”“You said that you can’t date anyone,” I remind him of his words.“Yeah.” He nods, and the stove beeps, telling me that the pasta is ready. I drain the pasta and then put the pot down because my hands are shaking. I’m so confused right now. “Well, for the past ten days, all I did was think of you,” he says. He then comes over to me and grabs me by my hand to pull me to the couch. I walk with him to the couch, his hand sending lightning bolts up my arm. “Sit.” He points at the couch, and I sit just because I don’t think my legs can hold me up much longer. He sits on the table in front of me, and we are face-to-face now. “I tried to tell myself that I couldn’t do it. I tried to tell myself that I couldn’t do it to you. That you deserved much better than a single father who literally feels like he is failing every single day. But . . .” He laughs now. “But then all I could do was think about kissing you.”My heart speeds up to an unhealthy rate, and I would normally assume I’m having a heart attack, but I know that this is all because of the man sitting in front of me. “You thought about kissing me?” I point at him and then myself.“More times than is humanly possible,” he says with a sly smile. “I might have also thought of other things, but . . .”I laugh now, throwing my head back. “Which is why I’m so torn. I don’t want to take advantage of you.” His voice goes low, and he looks down, then up again. “I never want you to think I’m using you.” The fear returns to his eyes. “That is not my intention.”My hand flies up to his face. Whereas before, I would never cross the line, something in me just won’t stop it, and the words come out in almost a whisper. “I want to date you, too.”Chapter 20RalphI don’t know if it’s the words or the way her hand feels on my face, but the minute she lifted her hand to my face, all I wanted to do was turn my face and kiss the palm of her hand. Instead, I just watched her blue eyes light up. “But you said you don’t date your clients,” I repeat the words to her.
“You didn’t let me finish,” she says and then looks down. I know that she is going to let me down, and I brace myself for it. I also think I shouldn’t have said it, but I tried to stop it. I tried not to let it get to me, and I tried to sweep it under the rug, but the way she is with me and then the way she was with Ari, I knew that I couldn’t not say anything. “I can’t date you, but that doesn’t me I don’t want to.”
“Yeah,” I say, almost holding my breath. This is it, I think to myself. This is going to be the letdown.