Only One Kiss (Only One 1)

“You’ve reached Candace. I’m away from my phone right now but leave a message, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” Her voice makes me smile. I wait for the beep, but instead, it tells me that voice mail is full. I bring up her text and text her.

Me: Please call me. Please. I just want to make sure you’re okay.

I put the phone down and stare at it, hoping the bubble comes up. I just need to speak to her. I just need to make sure she’s okay. I just need her. The tears come now, not one but a whole fucking ocean comes as I think of the hurt I made her feel. The hurt that I’m putting her through. Who does that?

I sit here on the couch as the night becomes day. Ari gets up, and I prepare her bottle and play with her. My mind is never there as I call Candace over and over again. The voice mail is always full; my chest starts to hurt more and more as the minutes turn into hours, and then at ten, I put Ari in the truck and go back to Candace’s house. I ring the doorbell, but she never opens the door. I go back home, and the day drags on.

I finally cave and call Miller, who answers right away. “Yo.”

“Hey,” I say. “It’s me.”

“I know. I have caller ID. What’s wrong?” he asks me right away.

“I was wondering if you had Layla’s number?” I ask him, and he laughs.

“Of course I have her number. It’s even in my favorites.” He laughs. “But why do you need it?”

“I’m trying to get in touch with Candace, and I can’t.” I don’t go into the whole story. “I thought she might be with Layla.”

“I’ll text you her number,” he says, hanging up, and then a text comes in with her number. I don’t even think twice before calling it, and she answers after three rings.

“Hello,” she says.

“Layla,” I say her name. “It’s Ralph,” I say, getting up and pacing,

“What do you want?” she says, and from her tone, I’m going to guess that she knows what happened.

“Listen—” I start to say, and she snaps.

“No, you listen,” she says angrily. “You fucked up.”

“I know that,” I say softly. “I just want to make sure she’s okay.”

She laughs bitterly this time. “If she’s okay. Oh, she is not okay. What is the opposite of okay?”

“Is she with you?” I ask, getting ready to go over there to talk to her.

“Even if she were, I wouldn’t tell you,” she says.

“I just want to make sure—” I start to say, and she hangs up on me.

“Fuck,” I say, wanting to throw the phone out the fucking window. I get Ari in the car and drive to her house again but still nothing. The whole night, I stay away, looking outside and wondering where she is. The whole night, I call her name in the darkness, hoping that she answers me.

The next day and the day after that, she still isn’t home, and now my nerves are shot to shit. I’m on edge, having only slept maybe six hours in three days when I call Becca again. “Hey, did you try to find out where she was?”

“Yeah,” she says, “but I hate to say it, I have no idea.”

“This is fucking bullshit!” I shout. “She has to be somewhere.” I sit on the couch and pull the hair on my head. “She has to be somewhere,” I say again, my voice almost a whisper.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Ralph,” Becca says, and I hang up and toss my phone on the couch. I feel like my whole body is on alert. Bernadette has been coming in every single day, and I leave, but I just go and sit at Candace’s house. Sitting on her porch, I plead for her to come home. Hoping that she walks in the door, and I can see her even for a second.

I’m rubbing my hands over my face when I hear a car drive into the driveway, and I swear my heart has never beat so fast in my life. “Candace,” I say her name only to see Nico get out of his car.

“Hey,” I say, surprised to see him. He is wearing aviator glasses, so I can’t see his eyes.

“Hey,” he says when he gets in front of me.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, and he takes off his glasses.

“No.” He shakes his head. “The question is, what are you doing here?”

“I . . .” I start to say, and I try to come up with a story that I’m waiting for Candace.

“I got a call today,” he says, and my neck tingles and my shoulders go back. “You can’t be here.”