Only One Kiss (Only One 1)

He called me, and it was tense and to the point. Basically, I wasn’t good enough for his sister, and I didn’t even argue that. I know I wasn’t; fuck, I will never be good enough for her. The whole conversation lasted a whole two minutes. I didn’t argue with him. I didn’t tell him my side of things. I wanted one thing and one thing only, and that was for him to tell Candace that we missed her. That I missed her. I wondered every single day if she got the message. Every single night, I would say good night to her, closing my eyes and seeing her smile.

I shower as fast as I can and slip into shorts and a shirt, and right before I walk out of the house, I go to kiss Ari. “I’m going to try to get our girl back.” I nod at Bernadette who just smiles at me.

I play my speech over and over in my head. When I finally pull up to her house, my heart almost shatters. The for sale sign is in the middle of her lawn, making it almost official I’ve lost her.

I get out and look at the house, my heart speeding up faster and faster. The last time I was here, Nico told me never to come back. I want to say I listened, but I didn’t, I would drive by at night with Ari, slowing down just to see if there were any lights on. I walk up and press the doorbell, not knowing if he was lying to me or not, but I couldn’t not take the chance.

“Come in.” I hear her voice yelling, and I open the door and walk in. My heart speeding up, my hands sweaty, and I suddenly want to fall to my knees and thank whoever for bringing her back to me. I walk in and see the boxes everywhere, and I stop in my tracks. The heart that was beating so hard and so fast now sinks into the pit of my stomach. “Hi.” I turn, and she doesn’t expect that it’s me. The minute her eyes meet mine, she takes a step back.

“What are . . .?” I take her in. She looks thin, too thin. She stands there in jeans and a shirt and her hair piled on top of her head, but I see that her eyes are red as if she’s been crying, and I want to wipe away the tears from her face. She, without a doubt, owns my heart.

“What is all this?” I ask, looking around at the place where we spent so many days wrapped in each other. Boxes and boxes are all over the place, and some are even labeled. “Are you leaving?”

“Yeah,” she says, avoiding my eyes. “I, um . . .” She moves away and picks up a bag by the door. “These are Ari’s things. I thought maybe you would want them.”

“Baby, please,” I say, and she shakes her head furiously.

“Don’t do this,” she says, almost begging. “Please don’t do this. I can’t do this.” She sobs and puts her hand to her mouth to stop it from roaring out. I start to walk to her, and she puts up her hand. “Please, I need you to just leave.”

My lips tremble, and my hands shake as I lift one arm up and put my hand to my heart. “Candace, please, you have to give me a chance.”

“There is nothing to explain,” she says, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. The same hand that I held that night and every night before going to bed. The same hand that I brought up to my lips when we would just be near each other. The same hand that held my daughter with all the love in the world.

“There is everything to explain,” I say. I know that I am going to get one shot at this, just one, and I know that if I don’t, I am going to regret it my whole life. “I didn’t want kids, I mean.” I look at her face while I tell the story. “That night, listening to you say how much you couldn’t wait to have kids. Well, you see, I heard it before.” I swallow as I finally let go of the biggest secret I have. “I was trying to process everything, and the only thing I heard was Cassie’s voice. It brought me back to the time I heard Cassie talking to her co-workers about finally having her own kids.” I look up and then let go.

“I can’t say for sure, but I’m pretty sure that Ariella was not an accident like we thought she was.” I wipe away the tears. “That doesn’t change the fact that I love her with everything that I have. Let’s be honest, I didn’t exactly have the best experience with father figures. I didn’t know if I was good enough to even be a father to a child, let alone have more than one.” My voice trails off.