“Why are you avoiding me?”
“Because I know what you want.”
They’d had this conversation before. And, no lie, Trevor did want to say again, Get an abortion. Please, for both our sakes, get an abortion so we can both forget this ever happened. But he’d seen the way she reacted last time, and whether he liked it or not, he heard what she’d said.
He felt queasy when he thought, What if Mom had aborted me? Well, duh, I wouldn’t be here. Cait wouldn’t be pregnant. Or, at least, I wouldn’t be the father. There might’ve been some other guy.
“No,” he said. “That’s not it. I wanted to say…I was an asshole. I know I was. And I want to make up for it, if I can. I wish you’d talk to me. That’s all.”
“Right. Sure. You want to hold my hand and dry my tears and be super nice guy.”
“Yeah. If that’s what you need from me,” Trevor said, feeling guilty because no, that’s not what he wanted.
“What if I said what I need is for you to leave me alone?”
He was here because he hated being helpless. He needed some control. But…he looked at her face, and saw his sister. It shook him up. What if this was Bree? What if she needed space? To decide for herself, not for anyone else?
Trevor made a getting-up motion. “Then I will.”
She burst into tears.
“Oh, shit.” He got to his knees and reached clumsily for her. She fell against him and clutched him hard. “Shh,” he kept saying. God. All they needed was for her mother to burst in here now, find him here. “Shh,” he said against her hair, more desperately. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not!” Cait whispered fiercely.
No. He guessed it wasn’t.
She finally unwound her arms and sat back. She grabbed some tissues from a box in her drawer and swabbed at her face, not looking at him. Trevor stayed where he was, kneeling in front of her.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I wish there was something I could do.”
She blew her nose and gazed at him from puffy eyes. “It was nice of you to come over. And…well, to keep bugging me the way you have been. You could have, um, just figured it was my problem and ignored me.”
“I’m not that big an asshole,” he muttered. “It took two. It’s our problem.”
“And your dad’s and my mom’s, too, apparently.”
He tried out a grin. Crooked, one that he hoped said, We are in this together. “I noticed.”
“Can you believe they want us all to have dinner together? Like, what?”
“I don’t know what,” he admitted. “I guess it makes them feel good. Like they’re involved or something.”
“It’s my baby.” Her eyes slid to his. “Ours.”
“Yeah.” Oh, shit, oh, damn, oh… “You don’t want to get an abortion, do you?”
Her face froze.
“It’s okay. You can tell me.”
“It feels wrong.”
“You really think it’s a baby and not…”
“Some cells?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I don’t. I don’t think abortion is necessarily wrong. Maybe I’d do it without even thinking if it weren’t for Mom having me when she wasn’t ready for a baby.”
Feeling like he had a baseball lodged in his throat, Trevor nodded. He couldn’t say anything. I’m the one who is going to freak, he realized. The lump was stuck. It was never going away. If she has her way, I will have a child. The rest of my friggin’ life, I’ll know. Somewhere out there, I have a kid. One who’ll believe neither of us wanted him.
Who’ll be right that neither of us wanted him.
Without knowing he planned it, he was on his feet. “I should go.” He could talk after all.
Eyes as wide as swollen lids would let them be, Cait stared at him. “Okay.”
“It’s hard to think about it.” He nodded toward her belly without actually looking at it.
She nodded.
“Whatever you decide…” He sucked in a deep breath. Oh, man, this was hard. “That’s okay,” he finished. “Whatever you decide. Not your mom.”
She kept staring.
“I’ll marry you if that’s what you want. Okay?” The idea scared the shit out of him, but he had to offer. “If you decide on an abortion, I’ll take you and pay for it. No matter what your mom thinks.”
Cait took a shuddery breath and nodded.
“All right.” He tried out another smile, which pretty well fell flat, but oh, well. “See you for dinner.”
A whispery sound that might have been an almost giggle came from her. He turned away and squeezed his eyes shut. Sick and scared, he lifted a leg over the windowsill.