“My room is scary,” he mumbled.
“Just for tonight, you can sleep with Mommy,” she murmured. “Okay?”
His head bobbed and he burrowed into her, his knees digging into her stomach. Helen felt another sting of tears at the joy of holding his small, compact body tight. She hadn’t known it was possible to love another person so much. The scariest thing in her world was the idea of losing him.
“Sleep tight,” she whispered, softly stroking his back until his breathing slowed and his muscles went lax.
Her recurring nightmare was always so vivid, so real...except for the twist at the end. A shameful part of her wished it was Richard she’d killed, instead of his butler-bodyguard. He was a monster. Instead, she was haunted by the slack face of a man she hardly knew.
She stiffened. If Detective Renner had entered her fingerprints in that FBI database, he’d know who she was, that she was a person of interest in a previous murder. Why hadn’t he? Or had he?
Her teeth wanted to chatter, but she clenched them. She had to take off soon, before it was too late.
Chapter Five
Helen awakened to the peculiar sensation of bobbing as if she were in a small boat riding the wake of a bigger one. With a groan, she pried open her eyes to see Jacob jumping up and down on her bed. His diaper had overflowed, which explained the strong smell of urine. He hadn’t yet noticed she’d opened her eyes.
If she felt dazed, it was with surprise because she’d slept, after all. And hadn’t had another nightmare, or at least didn’t remember one.
Her brain began to resume functioning. This was Saturday. Usually she welcomed the weekends. Even though she had to do errands, she also had time to do fun things with Jacob. Today, she felt weighed down by dread.
Detective Renner would be back to ask more questions. She had to pack without a curious two-year-old or a nosy detective noticing. Knowing how much she’d have to leave behind didn’t help her mood. Not counting when she first left home for college, this was her third experience of starting entirely over, Jacob’s second—but since he’d only been seventeen months old last time, he’d been oblivious to the disruption of sneaking away in the night. This time would be different. It was just as well that he wouldn’t understand he’d never see Iris again, or Jenna or bossy Courtney.
Wanting to give him one last day of normalcy, Helen tackled Jacob, but even as she tickled him and laughed along with his giggles, she plotted her day.
Grocery shopping had become a necessity. They’d make it through breakfast, barely, with what remained in the refrigerator and cupboards. Plus she’d need to take some food with them—snacks for Jacob, a small cooler with drinks, breakfasts and probably lunches she could prepare their first days in cheap motel rooms, so they didn’t have to waste money eating out, or stop at stores too soon. The less he and she were noticed, the safer they’d be.
Helen hated that she couldn’t let Jenna know Jacob wouldn’t be coming back, and that they didn’t dare say goodbye to her or Iris. Her mother would describe it as stealing away into the night like thieves.
With sadness that might even be grief, she was dismayed to see Seth Renner’s face in her mind’s eye, too, as if he were part of what she hated to leave behind. Given the way he’d been questioning her, that made zero sense. Even so, she didn’t like knowing that he’d probably think she’d fled because she had killed Andrea and feared his investigation.
The disconcerting part was a suspicion he’d also be at least a little hurt because she’d disappointed him, hadn’t trusted him. Because he’d never know what had become of her and Jacob.
He’d let her see something she’d never have. As she put together breakfast and then showered quickly, she kept remembering not only the relentless questioning but also the detective’s patience and occasional kindness. His smiles for Jacob, the oddly tender note she heard a few times in his voice—the heat in his eyes when he let down his formidable guard. He’d reminded her of what some people were lucky enough to find.
Except, it couldn’t possibly be Seth himself she would miss. What she felt was a foolish wish not to be so entirely on her own, that’s all.