On a spurt of anger, she asked, “Is that what you think? I’m desperate?”
The slowness of his response told her everything she needed to know. “Of course not.”
She stood abruptly, grabbing her plate, and went to the sink. After scraping the casserole she hadn’t eaten into the garbage, she rinsed the plate and put it in the dishwasher. Then she faced him, glad of the physical distance she’d opened.
“When?”
“Am I leaving?”
“Yes.”
“Not right away. I have a couple more days’ work at Lottie’s. I’ll need to find a place to stay. Apply for jobs.” His face particularly expressionless, he said, “Unless you want me to go now.”
“Definitely not.” She sounded almost brisk. “That would be silly.”
“It’s time for me to buy a car.”
“If you need me to drive you to look at any, let me know.”
Cole kept watching her. “Erin, I need to make it on my own. Regain some dignity, if that’s possible. If I could—” Wondering if that was torment she saw in his eyes, she waited, but he didn’t finish.
If he could, he’d never leave her? Oh, sure. In another mood, she might have laughed. Face it, she was too damaged for anyone to want to take on, especially a guy with problems of his own. What he’d said was even truer for her. She didn’t know who she was anymore.
The sex? He was right; she had been desperate. He was a guy, probably thought, Why not?
“Use my computer to look at Craigslist,” she suggested. “You can probably get a better deal on a car direct from an owner than in a lot.”
“I could go to the library.”
“No, that’s fine. I have things to do. Let me get the laptop for you.”
When she brought it to him a minute later, he hadn’t moved. He hadn’t eaten another bite, either. Without comment, she set the laptop on the table, to one side.
“Erin?” This voice had been run through a rock tumbler. “It may only be a few days, but… Can I stay with you?”
* * *
HE WAS BEGGING. That was what she’d brought him to. But he couldn’t help himself. The idea of never kissing her again, never hearing her passionate cries, never losing himself in her body…
She stared at him, not moving, not reacting.
I should have kept my mouth shut.
What, he shouldn’t have told her he was moving out until he was packed and ready to throw his duffel in his car? he asked himself incredulously. No. Just…no. This was bad enough. He couldn’t leave her thinking everything was fine until the last possible minute.
“You mean, you want to continue sleeping with me.”
He winced, unable to tell if her tone was caustic, or just disbelieving. Maybe he was an asshole, wanting to keep having sex until he took off, even though he had pretty much ditched her.
“I want every minute with you I can have,” he said, voice thick. “I wish—” He strangled the rest of that sentence, aching because he had to leave her. And yet, that wasn’t something he had any right to say.
Erin turned her face away; when she looked back at him, tears shimmered in her eyes.
“I want every minute I can have with you, too,” she said, so quietly he barely heard her.
A fireball exploded in his chest. He was on his feet and across the kitchen, pulling her into his arms before he even knew he intended to move. As desperate as he was, he lost the ability to be gentle, to do anything but take. He had her up against the refrigerator in seconds, her thigh lifted so he could grind himself against her. If she fought him… But she didn’t. In fact, she hooked an arm around his neck so she could hoist herself up, and her other hand slid under his T-shirt so her fingers could dig into his back.
He wanted her shirt off, but he would have to step back to get it over her head and he wasn’t willing to do that. Instead, he released her bra clasp, for what good that did when he couldn’t have squeezed a hand between them.
He wanted her now. Here. But damn, she wore jeans and athletic shoes. He’d have to kneel to strip her.
Condom. Shit. He no longer carried any in his wallet. He’d stowed the box of condoms in her bedside drawer. They had to get upstairs.