The Hero's Redemption

“No, of course not.” Her smile had faded and her expression was grave. “It might be best if you pack up your clothes after the shower, though. I’m happy to feed you dinner until you get moved, but—” Pressing her lips together, she looked away for an instant before she met his eyes again. “I can’t keep…pretending everything’s fine. I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”

He almost staggered back from the punch of pain, but long practice at hiding his emotions gave him the ability to simply nod. “I understand.” He turned and walked out of the kitchen.

Upstairs, Cole came to a stop in the middle of her bedroom and couldn’t take another step. A bellow roared from his chest and caught in his throat. He wanted to punch a wall. Do something violent to vent this anguish. But he couldn’t damage her house or anything she owned. And he had to make sure she couldn’t hear him. He stood where he was, shaking.

Had to be five minutes before he was able to jerk open a drawer she’d emptied for him and grab some clothes. He turned on the shower as hot as he could bear it and let it pound his neck and the back of his head. God. Right this minute, today’s triumph didn’t mean anything but a source of grief.

He could ask. She might allow him to stay. It was a good apartment; she was an ideal landlady. They could go on the way they’d been before they became lovers. Or even the way they’d been since.

The terrible pain beneath his breastbone told him neither would work. He had to leave, for his sake and hers. Or maybe he was thinking only of himself. He’d get through dinner somehow, carry the clothes and books he had here up to the apartment and then walk to the library. There had to be some local place he could afford to rent. Cole couldn’t imagine continuing to see Erin even for a few more days. Sitting down to dinner with her every night would be torture. No, the sooner he could make the split final, the better.

He’d known all along that he had to make something of himself. If he stayed, he’d feel diminished. He’d been broken and she’d put him back together again, for which he would always remain grateful. But if he stayed, they’d both see those cracks in him forever, regardless of how well the glue held.

He’d be saving himself from inevitable grief, too, the gradual understanding that she’d started getting twitchy because he wasn’t the kind of man she could see having a lasting relationship with. As she continued healing, became the self-assured woman she’d once been, it would happen. The hurt he felt now was nothing compared to what he knew would come—hearing her faltering explanation of why their relationship wasn’t working for her.

No. Better to get it over with now. He hated that he was hurting her, too, but had no doubt that he’d made the right decision for both of them.

He just had to survive the days and weeks until the agony dulled.

* * *

OVER DINNER, ERIN coaxed him to tell her more about the job. What he’d actually been hired to do, and the personalities involved. She guessed Cole was willing to talk only because silence was worse.

He’d been accepted readily by the crew he’d be working with, which made him sure the boss hadn’t told anybody that the new guy was an ex-con. Phillips, the contractor, seemed like a decent guy. He had high expectations and a temper, but worked side by side with his men. He offered praise along with criticism.

When Cole finished eating, he pushed his plate away, cleared his throat and met her eyes directly. “I’ve thought about the accident you were in and your problem getting past it. There are a couple of things I’ve been wanting to say.”

Did they have to do this? But seeing his determination, she only nodded.

“I did some research online about the kind of van you were driving that day. Yours seated at least twelve people, right?”

This wasn’t at all what she’d expected him to say.

“Yes,” Erin agreed. “Actually, I think fourteen or fifteen. We could have gotten two or three more girls in on that trip.” Thank God she hadn’t.

“What I read is that those extended vans are unstable. People writing reviews expressed the strong opinion that they aren’t safe and advise against buying one. From what you’ve said, I’m not so sure you had any chance to maneuver. It might not have mattered what you were driving. But you need to know the van wouldn’t have responded the way a typical car or even SUV would. It’s on the college that they bought an unsafe vehicle and didn’t warn you of the issues.”