A moment of silence. “Yes.” When she didn’t respond, he let out derisive sigh. “I told you not to make me in a noble hero.”
“Why did you do it?”
“The price was right.”
“And what price do you put on your morals, your convictions?”
“It would differ. Sometimes it was money, sometimes it was the promise of a vote on another piece of legislation that I was campaigning for, sometimes it was for a piece of property. One time—” He stopped, unwilling to sully himself further in her estimation.
“Is that how you acquired Windent Hall?”
Thank Christ she hadn’t picked up on his hesitation. “No. I bought that one legally. All the properties I accepted as bribes were sold for profit.”
“I see. But you are no longer in politics? Left quite suddenly, if Jacob had it right?”
“Yes.”
“So you must be attempting to right the wrongs in your life, to be a better man.”
He turned to look at her, disbelief on his face. “Once more you are turning me into a noble, honorable person. Do not forget the way I have treated you and others. I chose to escape to Windent Hall to avoid society, not to make myself into a better person.”
“You speak as though you have a dark secret.” Her voice held a note of teasing and he was loath to demolish it, but he had no choice. He could not allow her to persist in this fantasy of his honor and nobility. And she did say she wished to not be shielded from the truth.
He looked out the window. “I do have a dark secret.”
She laughed behind him. “Indeed? What is it?”
Nathan swallowed. “The last bribe I was offered was a wife.”
There was a moment of silence. “Are you betrothed, then?” Hurt and shock mingled in her voice.
He looked over his shoulder at her before turning completely. “You misunderstand me. It was not a wife for myself that was the bribe. She was already married to the man who wanted my vote. I would . . . have use of her for a sennight if I cast mine alongside his.”
Sara stared at him, her eyes wide. She did not speak.
The corner of his mouth twisted into a sardonic sneer. “So you see, I am not made of the heroism you believe me to be.” He turned back to look out the window, not wanting to see the look on her face anymore.
He condemned himself enough. He did not need the addition of hers.
Nathan continued in his story. “I was tempted, I tell you the truth. She was a beautiful woman. Full of the right curves and colors to entice a man, make him think of the pleasure he would receive from bedding her. Right up until I looked into her eyes, I was tempted greatly. What I saw there—the only way I can describe it is death. They held nothing, not even resignation. It became clear to me at that point that I was by far from the first man she had been sent to as a bribe.
“When her husband saw my hesitation, he ordered her to undress. She began, but that is when I came to my senses and tossed the bastard out of my house. His wife I was more gentle with, for she was a pawn in his game, but I did not offer her refuge and have little care as to her fate. So you see, saintly Miss Collins, I am far from honorable, far from noble. All I wanted to do was get out there. That is how I came to be at Windent Hall.”
Silence reigned behind him. Nathan continued to stare out the window, but he could not even say if the sun was shining or not. He had never thought to air any of those words but now he could not call them back.
Would not. She needed to know the truth of his abominable character. Knowing who he was would keep her safe from believing the wrong thing about him.
She broke the silence behind him. “I understand now.”
“What?” The word wrenched out of him, not expecting that to be the first thing she said.
“That day we first met. Why you reacted the way you did. You thought Mr. Pomeroy was offering me to you just as that horrid man did his wife. It makes perfect sense. It does not excuse your behavior, however.”
He turned, looking at her in angry disbelief. “Why are you speaking to me as though nothing has changed?”
“Because nothing has.”
“Did you not hear what I just told you?” He was incredulous.
“Yes, every word. I am sorry you had to experience that. You must be feeling horrible.”