The Governess Club: Sara

Damnation.

CHAPTER TWENTY

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Sara woke up that night, moonlight peering in through the bed curtains. She sat up quickly, the ants in her throat. Beside her, Nathan continued to sleep on his back, snoring softly. His arm was stretched out, acting with his shoulder to provide her a pillow.

Careful not to disturb him, she shifted off the bed and wrapped her robe around her. He had divested her of her shift even before they had climbed into bed and did not give her an opportunity to regain it after thoroughly pleasuring her, in compliance with the list. Having covered her nakedness, she escaped through her dressing room and into the bathing chamber.

The tiles reflected in the candle light, once her trembling hands had lit the small candelabra. The ants increased their presence, blocking her throat and compressing her chest. Two whole glorious days had passed without an incident but now the noose was back with cruel enthusiasm.

She despised it, gasping for breath and trying to count in her head.

Flashes of her dream resonated in her head. Her mother, screaming flaming vitriol at her, condemning her as a harlot, consigning her to hell. Her face mottled with rage, she refused to accept Sara’s apologies or explanations, denied any amount of forgiveness or understanding. Filth! Whore! Devil’s harlot! Each insult lashed against her back. Her father turned away, unable to help her.

“No,” Sara croaked. The lack of air was making her light headed and dizzy. In two three four, out two three four. Her legs shaking, she sank to the floor and knelt on the cold tile. “I’m not like that.”

Her body bent over, her hands bracing her on the floor as she struggled to breathe. She refused to feel shame for having such a wonderful time at Cloverfields. Never had she felt like this; Nathan was not ridiculing her life but rather encouraging her to explore it. Even though she had clung to Ares—a misleading name for such a patient horse—and would not spur him into even a slow walk, Nathan had just stood beside her and soothed her. Liam was just as patient, holding the horse’s halter as she panicked.

Later, as they stargazed by lying on a blanket in a field, Nathan wove story after story of all the constellations, giving her a glimpse of the eloquence that must have served him well on the floor of Parliament.

What was sinful about these things? Knowing how to ride a horse was practical. And the stories of the constellations? Sara had no difficulty understanding that they were myths the ancients used in their limited understanding to explain the stars.

How dare you contradict your mother!

In two three four, out two three four. The noose wasn’t going away.

And it never will if you continue to insist on behaving like such a demon spawn.

No that was not true. It would go away. It always went away.

Not this time, girl. It will do its work and you will burn for eternity. Don’t cry to me for help; you brought this upon yourself.

Oh dear heavens. Was this true? Did she deserve the noose? In two three four, out two three four.

Was her behavior truly the source of her misery? She debated calling out for Nathan for help, but decided against it.

She did not want him to see her like this. Not again.

Struggling, Sara pushed herself up into the proper kneeling position. In two three four, out two three four. Pressing her hands together and bowing her head, she began to quietly recite the Psalms in between her attempts at breathing.

In two three four, out two three four.

Slowly, her breathing eased.

Nathan woke alone in the bed again. He sincerely hoped that this would not become a habit of hers, preferring the way they woke yesterday. Cracking open an eye, he saw both the bed curtains and window curtains were open and that the sun was just peaking over the tree line, indicating a new dawn. In the faint light, he saw Sara sitting on one of the sofas at the window.

A smile tugged at his lips and he rose from the bed, walking over to her in all of his naked glory.

Coming up behind her, he gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze and pressed a kiss just below where her jaw met her neck. “Good morning,” he murmured.

“Good morning,” she responded, her reply sounding automatic.

“Come back to bed. It is much too early to be contemplating the day.”

“If it is no bother, I would rather not.”