The shock of that thought stiffened her body and right away she sunk. As before, his hands caught her and helped her steady herself. She remained floating this time, her eyes opening to look into his. The warmth was still there, with concern now added to them. The concern drifted away when he saw she was fine and his hands left her.
Oh good heavens, I am in love with him.
She supposed it made sense. She trusted him, opened up to him as she had to no one else, not even Claire, Louisa, or Bonnie. She even trusted him to the extent of this arrangement, going to him in her moment of distress. Even then, she knew that he would be honorable about whatever they did. He would deny it, but she knew it to be true.
Nathan Grant treated her as no one ever did. He actually saw her, saw that there was more to her than a meek, biddable, easily manipulated female. He spoke to her as a sentient being, never shielding her from the truth. He helped her realize her dreams, even something as simple as breakfast in bed or learning how to float. He desired her, preferred her, he had said.
Oh yes, she was in love with him.
And it ruined everything.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
* * *
Nathan frowned. Something was wrong. Something had been wrong for a few days now, but he couldn’t place his finger on what it was.
Oh, she had smiled at him, accepted his bantering, freely gave of her affections. She had improved in her swimming as well as her seat on a horse. They had succeeded in crossing off the majority of her adventure list.
But something was wrong.
In everything they had done, he had the feeling that something was . . . off. Different. But he could not determine what.
His gaze raked over her, taking in her gray traveling outfit, and his lip curled. Her outfit was old and worn, out of fashion, and exactly what an impoverished governess would wear. What Sara would wear.
He didn’t like it. She ought to be dressed in the fine fashions of London ladies.
“You are angry?” Her voice was quiet. Timid, even. It stuck in his throat how intimidated she became at the thought of anger and conflict.
He made sure his voice was even. “Why do you think that?”
“You are glaring at me.”
“I am not glaring.”
“I believe you were.”
“If I gave that impression, it was not my intent. I was glaring at your outfit, not you.”
She glanced down. “What is wrong with my outfit? It is serviceable.”
“That is what is wrong with it.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You should not have to wear serviceable dresses.”
“I cannot afford anything else.”
“Your husband should be able to afford more for you. Ensure that he does.”
A small blush crossed her cheeks. “A vicar’s wife does not wear fancy clothing, Nathan. There are higher priorities. Vanity is one of the Deadly Sins, so even if there were money for such things, it would not be appropriate.”
“I thought you had moved beyond thinking about what was appropriate or not.” His voice had taken on an edge.
“Please, can we not argue?” she whispered. “There is so little time left.”
Nathan sighed and ran a hand through his hair, looking out the coach window. She was correct. They would be nearing the town in which she was to join the mail coach.
He looked back at her. “Let me take you to Ridgestone,” he blurted.
Her eyebrows rose. “I beg your pardon?”
He swallowed to keep the desperation from his voice. The urge to prolong his time with her grew. “Let me take you to Ridgestone. We can say that I was passing through and saw you. It is only the act of a gentleman to offer a lady of his acquaintance transportation. I could not in good faith leave you to suffer the ills of the mail coach.”
A giggle escaped her. “The ills?”
“Yes. You never know what might transpire. A passenger may become ill, an unruly child may cause you to become deaf. Your portmanteau may be improperly secured and fly off at any moment. I should not wish to suffer such tragedies.”
She smiled at him, but her words did not ease his desperation. “That is very kind of you, but it is likely best for us to follow the original plan. We went through all this trouble to ensure discretion. I would not want to ruin that.”