Too much, Rafe thought, and surrendered to his imagination, letting the taproom melt away and the play unfold.
Narrator: No, no. That isn’t what happened.
Rosamund: Fine, I’ll let them ruin you, then.
Crowd: [Cheers.]
Narrator: No. Rosamund does not say that. She’s our noble heroine and she must warn Letitia.
Rosamund: Very well. I must warn you: Those knaves have a plot to ruin you.
Narrator: The two knaves approached Lady Letitia and sought to woo her.
[The knaves go to Lady Letitia and take her hands.]
Percy: Fair lady, let us play the game of see-saw.
Francis: Beautiful lady, let us dance the goat’s jig.
Narrator: Gentlemen. Please.
Letitia: You have made a bet to ruin me. I shall not be seduced.
Narrator: The scoundrels’ game was ruined! They were furious and demanded to know who told.
Percy: I am furious!
Francis: I demand to know who told!
Letitia: [points at Rosamund] It was Rosamund, the merchant’s daughter.
Narrator: The dastardly knaves vowed to get revenge.
Percy: We must get revenge!
Francis: Revenge on the merchant’s daughter! Bwah-hah-hah. [Pause] How do we get our revenge then?
Thea looked around at the crowd. “We need someone to be the rich merchant, Rosamund’s father.”
A graying man jumped up and strutted across the stage. “I am very rich. I feast on roast beef every day.”
Unfortunately, this boast set the crowd to booing.
“No, stop,” Thea said. “He is not a bad man, but he is very ambitious, and he desperately wants his daughter Rosamund to marry a nobleman, for the good of his whole family. May we continue?”
Narrator: Percy, to get his revenge, asks the merchant for permission to court his daughter, which pleases the merchant.
Percy: I am a nobleman. I want to marry your daughter.
Merchant: Right you are. Ahoy! Rosamund! Shake your tail with this nobleman then.
Narrator: Rosamund doesn’t like Percy the Dastardly Knave, but she does want to please her father.
Rosamund: Very well. You may seduce me.
Percy: Let’s have a nice game of bob-in-joe.
Narrator: No! That’s not what happened. He doesn’t seduce her.
Percy: What? Why don’t I get to seduce her?
Rosamund: And why don’t I get to be seduced?
Narrator: Wait and you’ll see. Settle down.
Percy and Rosamund: Oh, very well, then.
Narrator: So Percy took Rosamund and her father to a fine ball, where Rosamund and Percy danced.
There followed an interlude where the crowd sang and clapped a rhythm, and “Percy” and “Rosamund” danced. Rafe fell back against the wall, his unease growing. Thea caught Rafe’s eye and shrugged, apparently cheerful, as she continued her narration.
“But Percy’s father—a great lord, mind you—was very angry!” She stopped. “We need a great lord to be very angry.”
Two men bounded forward, both loudly insisting they had the necessary anger to be the great lord. While they argued, Thea dashed over to Rafe.
“That’s Lord Ventnor,” she whispered. “But it didn’t happen quite like this.”
“Did it not? You astonish me.”
“I mean, I—” She stopped short and bit her lip. “Thea only knew about Francis Upton and another man, so she had no idea Percy Russell was involved. I simplified it so as not to confuse anyone.”
Rafe looked past her, to where the two men were rolling around on the floor.
“No,” he agreed dryly. “We wouldn’t want to confuse anyone.”
“This is going very well, I think,” she said.
Before Rafe could respond, she dashed away, sorted out the two men fighting, leaped back onto her chair, and the play resumed.
Narrator: The lord was very angry and stopped his son from dancing with Rosamund.
Lord: [separates Percy and Rosamund] Son! How dare you dance with a merchant’s daughter!
Narrator: At which point, with every eye on the ballroom upon them, Percy loudly announced that he would marry her, for he had seduced her.
Percy: What? But I didn’t seduce her.
Rosamund: You said he wasn’t allowed to seduce me.
Narrator: Precisely. He told everyone he seduced her when he didn’t.
Percy: You mean, he lied?
Narrator: Dastardly knave, remember?
Percy: Very well. I had a brush with her and now I shall make her my bride.
Lord: Oh no you won’t.
Percy: Oh yes I will.
Narrator: Then the other knave, Francis, runs on and— Where is the other knave?
Francis: [puts down drink] Sorry. What?
Narrator: Francis tells everyone that he also seduced Rosamund and intended to marry her.
Percy: What? How come he got to seduce her and I didn’t?
Francis: Because I’m better at it than you are.
Narrator: He didn’t seduce her! No one seduced her! It was a plot. Their revenge.