“Oh, and Pa intended to give you my ‘dowry’ in person, but he will not do that now.” What a marvel, the way she made it sound like a colossal joke. Well, it was a colossal joke, and any moment now she would begin to laugh. She glanced at the letter, all loops and lines and utterly illegible. Funny. She’d read it only a moment ago, but now she could not make out a single word. “I cannot even demand they believe me, this time. After all, this time, Ventnor’s lies have turned into truth.”
She let the letter drift away from her, watched it float over the room for a few feet then land on the blue carpet.
In a rough, swift movement, Rafe scooped up the letter, screwed it into a ball, and hurled it toward the empty fireplace. It flew neatly into the gap between the ornamental fire screen and the cold grate within.
“Sod your family. Sod Ventnor and the whole blasted lot of them. You don’t need any of them. We’ll get married, properly, and it won’t matter what anyone thinks.”
Thea stared at the place where the letter had flown, then back at him. “Get married?” she repeated. She had lost her wits, it seemed; perhaps they had run away with her virtue.
Rafe certainly seemed to think so, if his incredulous expression was anything to judge by. “Of course we’ll get married. We made love. An hour ago. Or had you already forgotten?”
Marrying him. Properly. Living here at Brinkley End. Could he mean it?
Well. She’d be a countess. For real, this time. Never again would she need to worry about her next meal, or where she would sleep, or what she would wear. Invitations would come flooding in. The wedding vows would work like a magic spell, transforming her from unwanted, impoverished outcast, to a desirable member of society.
And Rafe… Kind, heroic Rafe. He would be the one to save her. She would always have him nearby, to give her hugs and kisses, to dine with her and make her smile. How honorable he was. Yet if those blissful moments under the willows had turned his mind as soft and dazed as her own, he wouldn’t be thinking straight. After all, if her own parents didn’t want her, why would he?
“You are being honorable and self-sacrificing again,” she managed to say. “Fancy that. A nobleman who is actually noble.”
“I’m being… I don’t…” He ran his hands through his hair, paced wildly for several steps, then threw himself into a chair that could barely contain his restless limbs. “I mean, we… You could be… Under the willows…”
“You don’t owe me anything,” she said softly. “Not when it won’t last.”
“What the hell are you talking about? Why won’t it last?”
“Because nothing ever does.”
“But this—” He surged to his feet again, his sentences coming in short bursts. “I want to be that man who— Hell, I am that man. To have a bride, in this home. Now I understand about the past…about Katharine… I see how my life can be different.”
Despite his words, he paced like a fierce animal caged. Something squeezed her chest and she feared she would cry.
“Then how can you know?” she countered. “I am the only woman you have seen since then, and maybe you’re simply relieved, or maybe after the willows you’re not thinking straight.”
“For crying out loud, Thea, don’t tell me what I think! I know what I want.” He whirled around, his arms waving. “And your pamphlet, your reputation, the lot. If you’re married to me, it won’t matter. Nothing in the outside world will matter.”
She shook her head. All this talking and nothing made sense.
“You can’t understand,” she said. “You cannot know how it feels to be unable to trust the very ground on which you walk. I must put the world right, for how can I ever feel secure again, when I do not even have a safe place to stand?”
“You would be a countess. A blasted countess! Your parents would welcome you with open arms. All would be forgiven.”
Quite right. They would forgive her for her scandal, though it was a malicious lie. They would forgive her for becoming Rafe’s mistress, though that was not true. How magnanimous they would be, to forgive her the sins she had never committed, and overlook the mistakes she had never made.
And she would—what? She would be expected to be grateful for that?
But yes, if she married him, her past would be washed away and they would welcome her home.
That is, they would welcome him. When that door opened, that blue door with the brass mermaid knocker, she would enter with a ring on her hand and the Earl of Luxborough at her side.
And she would never know.