The Rancher's Redemption

He swung around to look at her. “My AA meeting got out about an hour ago. Hopefully none of them showed up here.”

Bella winced. “Sorry that came out wrong—”

“It’s okay. It was my lame attempt at a joke.” He drew a sheaf of papers out of his coat pocket. “I brought a copy of the menu suggestions in case you’d lost yours.”

“I have them right here.” Bella put on the coffeemaker. “I marked my choices, and I’ve written you a check for ten percent as a deposit.”

“I think I trust you.” His smile this time was sweet. “I even know where you live.”

“Don’t they say you should never mix business with pleasure?” Bella asked.

“Or attempt to seduce your old friends?” Billy countered.

Bella sighed. “I’m sorry about that.”

“Hey, I wasn’t talking about you.” Billy frowned. “I was talking about me.”

Bella carefully lined up two mugs and then straightened them again. “Are you by any chance trying to take the blame for what happened between us?”

“Well, seeing as I’m the one who obviously pushed you too far, then, yeah.”

She slowly raised her head to look him right in the eye. “You made me climax. Twice. And then when I panicked, you took me home. How in the world are you taking the blame for that?” She pointed her spoon at him. “I wanted you to touch me. I loved it!”

“Okay,” Billy said, holding her gaze. “That’s good to know.” He held up the papers. “So do you want this copy?”

“Are you listening to me?” Bella asked. “What is up with you wanting to be Saint Billy the Perfect of Morgantown all the time?”

He went still. “You sound just like BB.”

“What?”

“He just tore me off a strip at dinner for being too scared to accept any ownership of the ranch, or to rock anyone’s boat.”

“Maybe he has a point.” Bella glared at him.

“Maybe he does,” Billy sighed. “So here goes. I want to make things right with you. If that means I accept the blame for what happened the other night and we can move forward and still be friends, then I’m good with that.”

“Well, at least that’s honest.”

“I’m trying here.” His smile was crooked. “I never want you to feel frightened with me, or worried that I won’t stop trying to get in your pants again.”

Bella took a deep, steadying breath. “I wasn’t frightened of what we did together. I was frightened of how it made me feel—emotionally, not physically, if that makes any sense.”

He still looked puzzled, so Bella kept talking.

“When you touched me, it was so wonderful, and so special, that I couldn’t handle it. It reminded me of how I’d felt with Ron, and that was such a shock that I didn’t know how to deal with it. I felt guilty. Like I was betraying him. Can you understand that?”

He was nodding now. “Yeah, I think I can. I felt like that after Annie left. I was still technically married, but for a long time I had no idea whether she was dead or alive, and I was in no fit state to be as discriminating as I should’ve been. Knowing I’d been stupid just added to my guilt, made me drink even more and do even more stupid things.”

“Maybe they both ruined us in different ways.” Bella tried to smile.

“Not ruined,” Billy objected. “Love is never wasted. The trick is moving on from the guilt, and finding new ways to give and receive that love.” He hesitated. “It’s fine if you’re not ready to move on from your relationship with Ron yet.”

“Now you’re going back to being all reasonable again.” Bella sniffed as she poured them both some coffee.

“I can’t seem to help myself.” Billy chuckled. “I just want the people I care about to be happy. I came so close to losing everyone and everything I loved that I value every precious second in case it’s snatched away from me again.” He grimaced. “If that makes me a pushover or too nice, I suppose that’s how it is.”

“You’re definitely not a pushover.”