For the first time he noticed her attire. She wore a pink leotard and gray sweatpants and her hair was tied up in a bun. Nate ignored her request, despite the evidence she’d just gotten home. She had kept this secret from him long enough. He needed the truth now.
“How could you keep that from me?” Nate advanced on her completely ruled by emotions rather than common sense. “I deserved to know you were pregnant with my child.”
All the color drained from Lauren’s face, and she swayed on her feet. “Who told you?” she whispered, her voice barely audible.
The urge to lash out at Lauren while at the same time comfort her collided in his head. Her shell-shocked expression pulled at his heart, but his anger at her silence kept him from embracing her. “Your brother, but you should have. Fifteen years ago, Lauren.”
Lauren sank down onto the couch without saying another word. When she glanced up at him, her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “When you left for the Academy, I didn’t know.” Her voice quivered as she spoke. “I found out two weeks after you left. I planned on telling you when I heard from you.” Tears fell down her face. “You promised to keep in touch even though we were no longer together. You said we would always be friends, remember?”
He heard the accusation in her voice. When he’d made the promise, he’d fully intended to keep it, but then after a while he figured it was better for both of them if he kept his distance. Let her get on with her life. At eighteen it had made plenty of sense. Now, at thirty-three, he realized what an ass he’d been.
“When you never called, I got the message loud and clear, Nate. You didn’t care about me.”
Nate paced back and forth several times in front of the couch, guilt eating away at his heart. “I had a right to know, Lauren. You should’ve told me. I would’ve—”
Lauren shot to her feet. “Would have what, Nate? Come home? Left the Academy?” She advanced on him, her eyes blazing with anger now. “You made it clear when you broke up with me that your military career meant more to you than I did.”
Damn, he was close to losing control of the conversation. He hadn’t come here to talk about his mistakes. He’d come for answers and so far he hadn’t gotten any. “I broke up with you because I loved you. I didn’t want you making all the sacrifices military families are forced to make. And I—”
She moved closer but stopped short of physically touching him. “We talked about that when you applied to Annapolis. You knew I would’ve stood by you no matter what. That was my decision to make, not yours.”
Yeah, sure they’d discussed it before he’d applied, but that was before it became reality. Once it was a sure thing, he’d realized how much she’d have to give up if they stayed together while he served. At the time he made the decision to end their relationship because he honestly thought it would be best for both of them. Not that any of that mattered now. Right now he wanted to know about their child.
“If you had told me, I would have come home and taken care of both of you.” For now he needed to stick with one topic at a time. “Was it a boy or a girl?” In his heart he knew Lauren never would’ve had an abortion and she obviously had no child living with her so she must have put the baby up for adoption.
The dam holding back Lauren’s tears burst and sobs racked her body. On pure instinct he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. As she cried, he held her without saying a word. After a while Lauren’s body stilled, and she became silent. As if realizing she stood embraced in his arms, she pulled back while at the same time she wiped the tears from her face with her hand.
“I don’t know.” Lauren looked at a spot on the wall behind him while she spoke. “I miscarried at twelve weeks.”
His heart clenched with pain. “Lauren, I’m . . .” his voice trailed off. What should he say? True, it had happened a long time ago, but for him it was just happening. “What happened?”
She shrugged and met his eyes. “It’s not uncommon for a woman to miscarry that early on. Some women don’t even know they’re pregnant at that point.” More tears slid down her face, but her body no longer shook.
He knew very little about a woman’s pregnancy past the creation phase, so he’d accept her word on that one. “I’m so . . . Lauren I wish . . .” He stopped, unsure of what he wanted to say. So instead of trying again, he moved closer and gathered her up in his arms. At first she remained still, but then she wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned into him.
“I wish you’d told me so I could have been here for you.” Nate spoke softly. Anger still burned inside him, but so did loss. A child. They’d almost had a child together.
Lauren’s arms tightened around him. “It’s in the past now. We can’t change any of it.” She spoke without looking up at him.
It may have been in the past, but he needed to know. “Would you have told me after the baby was born?” He didn’t want to believe she would have kept that from him if she’d had the baby. Still, who knew?
Silence stretched out between them. When he could no longer take it, Nate took a step back, forcing Lauren to loosen her embrace. “Lauren?” Her tear-filled eyes met his, and the pain he saw in them nearly brought him to his knees.
“I don’t know,” she whispered. “But it doesn’t matter anyway. I didn’t have the baby, and we both have our own lives now.”
He’d come in pissed and hurt. Hell, he still was. Right now, though, that didn’t matter. He had Lauren in his arms, and they were talking rather than arguing. “We might have separate lives now, but that doesn’t change the fact that I still love you.” He’d never been one to be subtle, so he saw no reason to start now. Without any hesitation, he bent his head toward her for a kiss. Lauren’s tongue darted out to moisten her lips, but otherwise she didn’t move. When his lips settled on hers, she flinched slightly but didn’t pull away.
Taking it slow, he moved his mouth against her lips and pulled her closer so their bodies touched from chest to thigh. In response, Lauren slid her arms up and over his shoulders. Then her fingers began to dance across the back of his neck. The gentle caress shot his already aroused body into the stratosphere. With his tongue he teased her lips open. When her lips parted, his tongue slid inside and rubbed against hers. He was no longer in control, and hungry for Lauren’s touch. Their kiss became wild. Moving his hands up her back, he dug his fingers into her hair, pulling it from the elastic in the process. The soft strands covered his hands, and memories of lying together with her hair tickling his chest rushed through his mind. How many times had her hair covered him as they relaxed? At the time, he never would have thought he’d miss it. But now with her so close, he realized just how much he’d missed even the little insignificant things with her.
“God, Lauren.” He pulled away when the need for air became too great. “I’ve missed you so much.” He rested his check against her hair and inhaled her shampoo.
Lauren’s hand froze in place on his neck then she jumped away from him. “Nate . . . I that . . .” she said, breathless. Her face turned red as she stumbled over her words. “We shouldn’t . . . I’m with Kevin.” She took another step backward.
He fought the urge to swear aloud. He’d thought they were getting somewhere. She sure as hell kissed him as if she wanted him. “If you loved him, you wouldn’t have just kissed me the way you did.”
“I’m happy with him.” She looked over at the dog rather than him when she answered him.
He heard the truth beneath her words. She didn’t love the other guy and she knew it. She just didn’t want to admit it to him or herself. “Be honest, Lauren. You don’t love him.” Nate took a step closer. “Maybe you can lie to him, but not to me. I know you too well. There’s still something between us.”
Lauren swallowed and held his gaze. “I always know where I stand with Kevin, and I know he won’t up and leave.”
Kevin sounded more like a dog than a boyfriend. “I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.” The endearment rolled off his tongue. He’d never used it with any other woman.
Lauren opened her mouth but said nothing. Instead, she crossed her arms protectively around herself and searched his face.
“Come on, Lauren. Give us a chance.” Nate never begged but if he thought it would help, he’d do it now.
“I don’t know,” Lauren answered, looking away. “I need time to think.”
While still not the answer he wanted, he grabbed onto the uncertainty in her voice. If she truly felt nothing, her answer would have been an outright no. “Fair enough.” He forced the words from his mouth. He didn’t want to waste any more time. They’d already lost fifteen years. But he had little choice. Before she could stop him, he moved closer and dropped a light kiss on her lips. “I’ll see you soon.”