She would rather pick up on nonverbal clues. And she was convinced there were some.
Sometimes, his eyes would gleam with something that responded to the ache deep in her womb whenever he was around. But he had never acted on it and they had been seeing each other for three weeks now. They hadn’t had any dates per se, but he’d been around pretty much constantly since she’d run into him in the quad.
Since he did not seem like a big joiner, the fact that he was at meetings she’d never before seen him at or rallies she was pretty sure he had no personal interest in, she had to ume she was the reason he showed up. Which meant he wanted her, right?
It amazed her, really. That a man like Sebastian would be interested in Lina Marwan was pretty incredible. She was accustomed to people being drawn by her royal status, but like the rest of the students at the university, he had no way of knowing she was a princess. But he liked her…maybe…
He was everything she had dreamed of finding in a boyfriend, not that he was actually her boyfriend.
She sighed. Sebastian gave her a questioning look. She smiled a little and shrugged. Thankfully he didn’t ask her what she was thinking. She might just blurt it out and embarrass herself unbearably.
He was so gorgeous; he was ertive without being domineering. He listened to her, maybe even better than her brother. He was smart and driven—his going for an MBA showed that. And he was intense in this really, super sexy way. Was it any surprise she was falling for Sebastian Hawk in a big way?
The problem was that sometimes she was convinced that all he wanted was friendship.
She was so bad at this whole male-female thing. Her lack of practical experience was becoming a real nuisance. If she had been like the other girls who attended the female-only academy she had, she would have at least had a chance when not in school to meet people of the opposite gender. To learn to flirt for goodness sake. Though she had to admit that even if she had the opportunity, the male dominant nature of her family had made her wary around men and she probably would have shied away from any sort of interaction.
That caution combined with the reality that in order to date it would have meant further deceptions, or the indignity of being subjected to not only a bodyguard, but a chaperone as well, had also kept her from pursuing or responding to the pursuit of any guys since she’d arrived at university. Until Sebastian.
Of course, it helped that he was willing to spend time with her doing the things she already arranged for involvement in.
Only…for this man, she would do whatever it took to see him personally. She just wished she knew what to do with him.
Not that lack of experience had ever stopped her from trying something that she wanted to. She was not the demure, ornamental—aka useless—piece of feminity her father believed her to be.
Sebastian was so different from the men in her family. He never dismissed her thoughts as unimportant simply because she wasn’t heir to a throne or provincial position. He wasn’t surprised by her intelligence and he didn’t seem to think her political science major was a waste of her time. Not that he knew why she had chosen that major, but he acted like he believed she could, and most likely would, do something valuable with her education.
That was her hope.
She’d spent her childhood separated from her home, only to see her parents and siblings one week out of the year when she flew to Marwan and stayed in the royal palace with them. She did not remember her parents ever touching her with affection, and knew for a fact her father had never once given her any recognition as anything but his inferior female offspring.
She refused to spend her adult life feeling and being insignificant. She wanted to make a difference in the world and not merely as the attractive, well mannered appendage on some man’s arm.
“You’re pretty quiet over there,” Sebastian said.
“I was thinking how different you are from the men in my family.”
“Yes?”
“Yes.”
“In what way?”
“You don’t discount me simply because I’m female.”
“Who does that?”
“My father. To some extent my uncle. Others.”
“Your brother?”
She didn’t remember mentioning her brother, but she must have done so. She gave one of the rare smiles that occurred when she thought of her family. “My brother is different. He has been raised to be just like my father, but he’s not. You can’t tell on the surface, but he does special things to let me know.”
“Like what?” Sebastian’s obviously genuine interest encouraged her to be more open with the truth than she would have normally.
“He spends time with me.”
“Don’t your parents?”
“My mother does…sort of.” Though the sessions spent training Lina for her station could hardly be classified as mother-daughter bonding time.
“Not your father?” Sebastian didn’t sound surprised or disapproving, simply curious.
“No. He’s far too busy to spend quality time with a mere daughter.” Though, according to her sister, their father made limited time available to his daughter still living in Marwan.
“That bothers you?”
“Wouldn’t it you?”
He looked a little startled and then shrugged. “I suppose. But in my case it was my mother that couldn’t be bothered to see me. My dad is and has always been pretty busy with his business interests, too, though.”
“And that doesn’t upset you?”
“Why should it? I’m busy with my own life.”
“So, you don’t think a family should spend time together?”
“You mean the dream of dinners together and family camping trips every summer?”
“Something like that.”
“If you’re born into a family like that, I’m sure it’s nice. But if you aren’t, you have to accept your circumstances and move forward.”
“Or change them.”
Again, he looked surprised by her comment.
“How would you do that?”
“Me, personally? I plan to marry someone who believes family is as important as I do or I won’t marry at all. I will spend time getting to know my children, if I have any. No son or daughter of mine will grow up feeling expendable.”
“You think you are expendable to your parents?”
“I know I am.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I came to the U.S. at the age of six because my mother’s older sister had been unable to conceive and it was decided that she would be given the honor of raising me. I only see my parents once a year, for a week.” She never ever gave details of her life to people, but Sebastian was different. She trusted him.
“And your brother?”
She smiled again, warmth filling her at thoughts of her brother. “When I’m staying with my parents, he makes sure we eat at least one meal together each day. And we talk. He asks about my life and listens to my answers. He praises me for my grades and other things. He’s the only person in my family who knows that I was on the kayaking team at school. He also makes sure he comes to visit me every time he is in America. My father flies to Washington, D.C., at least twice a year, but he’s never once made the additional effort to come see me as well. Even when he and my brother are traveling together and Hasim makes arrangements to do so.”
“I’m sure he’s confident that you are well taken care of by your aunt and uncle.”
“I am. I don’t want to denigrate them in any way to you. My aunt is sweet, if a bit reserved, and my uncle is much more open to new ideas than my father, having been raised himself in Canada. He was a third son.
Though sometimes family attitudes still show, I was allowed to attend university only at his insistence. If it had been up to my parents, I would have gone to a finishing school in Europe.” Even after her father had agreed to her university education, Lina had taken the added precaution of pursuing United States citizenship as soon as she turned eighteen.
It had taken her two years and had been the reason she’d learned to ditch her bodyguard as well as how to get out of her home undetected. She had two sets of papers. Her Marwanian papers, which she used traveling under the aegis of her country’s ruling family. She also had legitimate U.S. passport and citizenship papers, which her family knew nothing about.
As a Marwanian citizen, her father had had final say over anything and everything in her life, no matter what her age. That was not true for all Marwanian women, but as a member of the ruling family, she could not legally act without her father’s permission. However, as an adult U.S. Citizen, her freedoms were numerous including the right to refuse to return to Marwan if it became necessary.
“But your relationship with your parents makes you unhappy?”
“My lack of a relationship. Like I said, if I have children, I want a different life for them.”