“Freedom.”
He hadn’t realized he was going to use that specific word until he said it.
“You’ve let duty become your chains, haven’t you?”
“A man has to repay his debts before all other considerations.”
“Do you owe your employer this debt? Is that why you’ve never had enough time to pursue your own dreams?”
“Yes and no,” he answered. “Yes, I owe him a debt. But it’s more complicated than that. My dreams have changed. I used to love what I was doing. I don’t any longer. I think maybe you’re right, Mary Rose. Winning isn’t everything.”
“I’m pleased to hear you admit it,” she said. “You like our paradise, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re happy here.”
“Yes.”
“Then quit making everything so complicated. Stay and be happy. See how simple it is?”
“No, it isn’t simple at all.”
“I’ll only ask you one more question,” she promised. “If it were simple, would you stay here?”
“In a heartbeat.”
She knew she’d just promised not to ask any more questions, but she couldn’t stop herself from asking one more. “Have you made up your mind to leave then?”
She was gripping the edge of her skirt, praying he would tell her what she desperately wanted to hear.
“I haven’t made up my mind about anything. I’m not being evasive, just honest. I don’t have enough information yet to know what road I should take.”
“I don’t understand.”
Her arms were aching from holding up the skirt to dry. She finally gave up and put it away. Then she moved back, covered her legs, and leaned against the rock wall next to Harrison. She sat so close to him her upper arm pressed against his.
She stared into the fire and let it mesmerize her. She didn’t want to think about the possibility of Harrison leaving, not when she was just about to decide to fall in love with him, and so she tried to think about something else.
“I know you must be hungry. I’ll be happy to find something to eat.”
“Where?” he asked.
“Out there,” she answered with a wave of her hand toward the mountain.
“I’m not that hungry. If you are, I could go outside and find something for you to eat.”
She smiled but didn’t look at him. Harrison had sounded arrogant when he spoke.
“You haven’t had to stay out overnight much, have you?”
“Actually, when I was in service, I did,” he replied.
“Do you mean the military?”
“Yes.”
“Tell me about London. What’s it like living there?”
“It’s beautiful. The architecture is remarkable. Cole would appreciate the quality and the workmanship. I think you would like living in London,” he added. “Once you got accustomed to the differences.”
She couldn’t imagine living in a city. Paradise was all she needed, or wanted. Why couldn’t Harrison understand?
“Have you ever had to stay outside with a woman in the Highlands or in England?”
The question made him want to laugh. “I’d be married now if I had.”
“Why?”
“The woman’s reputation would have been ruined. Marriage would be the only honorable solution.”
“But what if nothing happened? What if the circumstances were as innocent as ours are tonight?”
“It wouldn’t make any difference,” he answered. “She would still be condemned.”
“What about the man? What would happen to him?”
“Not much,” he admitted after a moment’s reflection. “It isn’t all absolute, of course. If she comes from a powerful family, or if an influential friend decides to help, there is a chance she wouldn’t be shunned. A remote chance,” he added. “But still a chance. Before you. judge too harshly, I’ll remind you that your society in New York is similar.”
“It isn’t my society.” she argued. “Out here, we don’t have time for such nonsense.”
A sudden thought made her smile. “If what you say is accurate, then you would have to marry me tomorrow if we were in the wilderness in England. They do have their own paradise, don’t they?”
“Yes,” he assured her. “They do. There are untouched areas just as breathtakingly beautiful.”
“Honestly?”
“Honestly.”
“What about my other question? Would you have to marry me?”
She turned to look at him. He slowly turned to look at her. She saw the sparkle in his eyes and something else she couldn’t quite put her finger on.
“Probably not,” he told her. “My employer is a very powerful man in England. He would come to your aid.”
She looked disgruntled by his answer. Harrison laughed.
She was getting a crick in her neck. She moved again, got up on her knees to face him, then leaned back against her ankles. The side of her thigh touched his.
He tried once again not to think about her closeness or her lack of attire. It helped if he stared at her forehead—not much, of course, but he was a desperate man. He would take what he could.
“Now why are you frowning? Tell me what you’re thinking about?”
“Approaching sainthood.”
She didn’t understand. He wasn’t going to enlighten her. “You’re a puzzling man, Harrison. One minute you’re laughing, and the next you’re frowning like a bear.”
“Bears don’t frown.”
“I was being metaphorical.”
“Another word on the chalkboard?”
She nodded. “I like the word. It sounds . . . intelligent.”
“You’re going to make me go stand outside, aren’t you, Mary Rose?”
“Why?”
“You’re being provocative.”
“I am?” She was pleased with his remark.
“I haven’t just given you a compliment. You’re deliberately tempting me. Stop it.”
She couldn’t hide her smile. “Now you’re gloating,” he muttered.
She had to agree. She was gloating. “A woman likes to know she’s appealing,” she explained. “But I shall stop flirting with you just as soon as I figure out what it is I’m doing.”
“You could start by taking your hand off my thigh.”
She hadn’t realized where her hand was draped. She immediately pulled away.
“What else?”
“Quit looking at me that way.”
“What way?”
“Like you want me to kiss you.”
“But I do want you to kiss me.”
“It isn’t going to happen, so stop it,” he ordered again.
She tucked the covers around her legs, then folded her hands together in her lap.
“What would happen if we weren’t discovered?”
“Where?”
“In England, after spending a night together,” she said. He thought they had finished discussing the subject. She was obviously still curious about the workings of his society, however, and so he answered her.
“We would be discovered. Gossip travels like the plague. Everyone always knows everyone else’s business.”
“Then do you know what I might do?”
“No, what?”
“I’d give them all something to talk about. The people must be terribly bored, after all, to be concerned about everyone else all the time. I would become indiscreet. If I loved the man I was spending the night with, and if I knew he wanted to marry me and I wanted to marry him, well then I would . . .”
His hand covered her mouth. “No, you would not. You would have your own honor to protect. You would be true to yourself, to who you are.”
It took her a long minute to finally admit he was right. “Yes, I would,” she said. “Still, being a fallen woman does hold a certain fascination. I’d probably wear red all the time.”
He shook his head. “Look at the cost,” he suggested.
&nbs
p; She rolled her eyes heavenward. “Ever the attorney,” she whispered. “All right. We’ll look at the cost. You’re going to tell me all about it, aren’t you?”
He nodded. “If you give up parts of who you are, eventually you give up everything.”
“Yes, Harrison.”
He didn’t realize she was agreeing with him. “If you lose yourself, you’ve lost everything.”
“In other words, you aren’t going to kiss me.”
“You’ve got that right.”
“You have bruises all over your chest. And your neck. I’ll bet your backside’s black and blue.”
“You aren’t going to find out.”
She reached over and touched a bruise near his left shoulder. Her fingertips were warm against his skin.
He didn’t think she had any idea of what she was doing to him. She was frowning with obvious concern over the beating his body had taken.
When she touched the bruise next to his navel, he grabbed hold of her hand.
“You’d better start taking care of yourself,” she said. “I don’t think you should go with my brothers to get the cattle we purchased.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’ll probably break your neck.”
“You’ve got a lot of confidence in me, don’t you?”
“I believe in you.”
Her words came out in a soft whisper, and, oh, how they touched his heart. Her belief in him was humbling.
They stared into each other’s eyes for a breathless moment, then each looked away. Neither was willing, nor ready, to take the next step. Harrison knew he loved her but couldn’t profess his love for her because they would be empty words indeed without a future together. He would have to declare his intentions to Lord Elliott first and only after he had proven himself financially stable enough to provide for his daughter in the style Elliott would demand.
Mary Rose was afraid to fall in love with Harrison. She was trying to protect her heart from being crushed. He had been very open and honest with her about the possibility of leaving, and who was she to keep him from pursuing his destiny and his dreams?
I am very practical, she decided with a good deal of selfdisgust. She wouldn’t allow herself to grasp any possibility until she was assured of the outcome. She desperately wanted to protect herself, yet even now she was close to weeping over a future without Harrison.
“What are you thinking?”
She pulled her hand away from his before she answered. “Here today, gone tomorrow. What were you thinking?”
“That it would take me years to become financially equal to my employer.”
They both sounded disheartened.
“If we were living in the city of London, I would probably have complete confidence in your ability to take care of yourself.”
He raised an eyebrow. “ ‘Probably’?”
She smiled. She loved it when he sounded outraged. She knew it was forced, of course, and assumed he was also trying to move back into a safer, more casual conversation.
“No, not ‘probably,’ ” she qualified. “I’m certain you could look after yourself.”
“I would hope so.”
“I don’t think less of you. No, of course I don’t. I believe in you, Harrison. It’s your experience we’re talking about now.”
“What’s wrong with my experience?”
“You don’t have any.”
She patted his knee in mock sympathy. “You’ve never worked with cattle before. I doubt you even know how to use a rope. Therefore, it would be dangerous for you. Have I injured your feelings again?”
“Go to sleep.”
She decided not to take offense over the gruff order. “I am tired,” she admitted. “Running up and down those stairs got old fast.”
“Why were you running up and down the stairs.”
“I had errands to complete.”
“Eleanor, right?”
She didn’t answer him. Harrison shook his head. He understood how difficult the demanding woman was. He’d seen Eleanor in action when she’d taken on Travis. She wanted him to fetch something for her, and by God, after ten minutes of hounding, the brother had given in. He told Harrison he would have done anything to shut her up.
Mary Rose straightened her blankets and then stretched out on her side. She kept her back close to Harrison’s thigh, tucked her hands under the side of her face, and closed her eyes.
“How long are you going to let Eleanor run you around in circles?”
“For heaven’s sake, she only just arrived. She hasn’t been running me in circles. I’m merely trying to help her get comfortable.”
“When the two of you are together and no one else is around, is she pleasant to you then?”
Mary Rose thought about the question a long while before she finally answered.
“No.”
“Then why do you put up with her?”
She rolled onto her back and looked up at Harrison. He was scowling down at her. The man became upset over the oddest things.
“Why do you put up with MacHugh?”
“Why? Because he’s a sound, reliable horse.”
“So is Eleanor. She’s sound and reliable.”
“You can’t know that for certain.”
“You couldn’t have known for certain your horse was sound and reliable either. You went with your instincts, didn’t you?”
“No, I didn’t. One look at MacHugh and I fully understood why he was being difficult. His scars speak for him.”
“So do her scars,” she reasoned. “Eleanor carries them inside, and perhaps, because people can’t see them, the injuries done to her are even more damaging. She’s often misunderstood.”
Harrison moved down, stretched out on his back, stacked his hands behind his head, and stared up at the stone ceiling of the cave while he thought about Eleanor.
“Travis is getting ready to toss her out.”
“No, he isn’t.”
“He can’t hide in the barn until she leaves, Mary Rose. Douglas, I couldn’t help but notice, is doing the same thing. You’re asking too much from your brothers. They should have the same rights you have.”
“They do have the same rights.” She turned toward him, propped her elbow on the blanket, and then rested her chin on the palm of her hand so she would be comfortable while she argued with him.
“My brothers aren’t very patient men,” she began. “Still, they know they can’t toss her out. It wouldn’t be a decent thing to do. They’re all honorable men, every one of them.”
“There is an easy way to get Eleanor to behave,” Harrison said. He turned his attention from the ceiling to her eyes and allowed himself to be mesmerized by their intense. bewitching color.
She scooted closer to him and leaned up. “How?” she asked.
“If something no longer works, you try something else, right?”
“Right,” she agreed.
“Does Eleanor expect breakfast to be served to her in bed every morning?”
“She said she did.”
“What would happen if no one carried a tray up?”
“She’d be furious.”
“And hungry,” he predicted. “She would have to come downstairs.”
“I wouldn’t want to be around when she did. Her anger is often quite worrisome.”
“Bluster.”
“Bluster?”
“In other words, it’s all for show. Ignore her anger. Simply state your position, give her the rules of the household, and . . .”
“What rules?”
“When you eat, when you don’t,” he said. “That sort of thing.”
“I see. And then what should I do?”
His grin was devilish. “Run like hell. You might try hiding in the barn with your brothers.”
She laughed. “Everyone’s going to love Eleanor once they understand her.”
“She should have responsibilities to take care of for as long as she is here, assuming, of course, E
leanor plans to stay for a long while.”
Mary Rose sat up and leaned over him. “If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell Travis or Douglas or Cole?”
“What about Adam?”
“He already knows.”
She put her hand flat against his chest. His heart felt as if it had just flipped over. He couldn’t stop himself from touching her and put his hand on top of hers.
“What don’t you want your other brothers to find out?”
“Eleanor won’t be leaving.”
“Do you mean to say she won’t be leaving soon?”
“I mean to say, not ever.”
“Oh, Lord.”
“Exactly,” she whispered. “She doesn’t have any other place to go. Now do you understand? She doesn’t have any family. Her father ran away from her and from the authorities. He’s done terrible things to other people, and the law finally caught up with him.”
“What terrible things?”
“He took their money. He pretended to be an investor. He wasn’t.”
“He took their savings.”
“Yes.”
“What about Eleanor’s mother?”
“She died a long time ago. Eleanor’s an only child, the poor thing.”
“Aren’t there any aunts or uncles she could turn to?”
“No,” she answered. “Most of the people in her town turned against her. She didn’t have any friends to speak of.”
“I’m not surprised.”
“Show some compassion.”
“Why? You have enough for both of us, sweetheart.”
Her eyes widened. “You called me sweetheart.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be. I liked it. Say it again.”
“No. We were talking about Eleanor,” he reminded her.
“We shouldn’t talk about anyone. It isn’t polite.”
“I just wanted you to be aware of Travis’s current frame of mind. He really is getting ready to call for a vote and toss your houseguest out. You’d better talk to him.”
She pulled her hand away from his and then reached up to stroke the side of his face. She felt the day’s growth of whiskers under her fingertips and smiled over the pleasure the tickling sensation gave her.
He didn’t stop her caress. He liked it too much. His hand cupped the back of her neck. His fingers threaded through her silky hair.
And then he pulled her down on top of him. He kissed her long and hard. He forced her mouth open by applying pressure on her chin. He was deliberate in his seduction, for the lure of tasting her once again overrode all thoughts of caution. There wasn’t any harm in kissing her good night, or so he reasoned, and he was certainly experienced enough to know when to stop.