With Every Breath (Slow Burn 4)

Seeming to sense her hesitation, Wade spoke. “You mean something to me, Eliza. I’m merely trying to ascertain whether I’m flying solo here or if maybe, just maybe, you aren’t as immune to me as you’d like me to think. That maybe you have feelings for me buried under all that animosity we both use as a shield, protecting ourselves from the truth of just how much we mean to one another.”

She froze, shoving her hands beneath the covers so he wouldn’t see how badly shaken she was. How his words gave her a ridiculous thrill, and worse, allowed her the forbidden comfort of hope. But he wasn’t fooled. He wasn’t a man to ever be easily fooled. His eyes softened with so much tenderness and understanding that it was all she could do not to dive into his arms and burrow as deeply beneath him as possible and hide from the world. Lean on him. Borrow his strength and invincibility because Eliza felt anything but invincible right now.

“Is it so hard to admit you feel something—anything—for me?” he asked with gentle patience she hadn’t thought him capable of.

She could swear she heard hurt and uncertainty in his voice, but that was impossible. Wade was made of stone. Impenetrable and at times so icy that he could make her shiver with one look. And he was nothing if not ultimately confident. He wore arrogance like others wore clothing. Why would he care how she felt about him? Why was he acting like it mattered and why did she feel as though so much hinged on her answering him honestly and that if she chose wrong, she stood to lose more than she ever imagined?

Because he cared for her.

She was still shaken by his admission, because he wasn’t a man to ever express his feelings and open himself up to rejection. How could she reject him when he’d put everything on the line for her?

He’d laid bare his soul and she’d given him nothing in return. Nothing at all. Not even her trust. He’d risked everything to come after her. Risked his life by refusing to back down and leave before Thomas discovered his presence. And Wade was not a man to ever put himself in a position of vulnerability. He was cloaked in shadows, much like herself. His past was nebulous and questionable. So was his present. And yet he’d opened himself to her in a way she’d never imagined him opening himself to another living soul. That more than anything told her that she meant something to him. Not something. Everything.

“I feel too much!” she nearly shouted, the words bursting free before she could call them back. “There, are you happy? Are you satisfied? Haven’t you taken enough pieces from me? Will you not be finished until there’s nothing left of me at all?”

He gathered her tightly in his arms, ignoring her angry protests, her attempts to push him away, her struggles and her tears of helpless rage and frustration. “Was that so hard?” he asked gruffly. “Baby, I don’t want to take you apart piece by piece. I don’t want to take until there’s nothing left. Never that, my love. I want to give you everything in my power to give. I want to put all those pieces back together so you can be whole again. So you can be mine. My Eliza. Not this shell of her lying in my arms right now. I won’t rest until I have all of her back.”

“She isn’t there,” she said sadly. “She’s never been there. She isn’t even real. She’s a role I’ve played for years while I’ve hidden like a coward from who and what I really am.”

“No baby,” he denied. “You became who you weren’t meant to be. And just so you know, you sealed your fate when you told me you didn’t hate me and that you cared for me. When you thought to protect me because I’m important to you. I’m not a patient man in any sense of the word. Except when it comes to something I want and something that is worth waiting for. I’ll wait for fucking ever if that’s what it takes, but you’re mine, Eliza. Mine. And I don’t give up what is mine without one hell of a fight. So prepare yourself for fucking war. Fair warning, I fight dirty and I don’t fight fair. I’ll do whatever I have to in order to make you mine.”

“I’m not yours!” she said in desperation. “I don’t belong to anyone.”

The last was said with sadness heavy in her heart. Once she would have given anything to have belonged to someone. To be cared about, cherished, loved. But she’d given up those fanciful, unrealistic dreams a lifetime ago because they weren’t real. Would never be real. No matter how hard she wished otherwise.

His gaze swept hotly over her naked body, possession glittering in his eyes.

“No?” he asked in a dangerously low voice that should have sent her bolting from the bed as fast as possible. But the steel bands around her body held her firmly in place. “I think perhaps another demonstration is in order.”

Panic swept through her, but before she could react to his sultry statement and the glittering determination in his eyes that told her she was in way over her head, his mouth descended on hers. Hot, passionate and oh God, loving and so very tender that it brought the sting of tears to her eyes.

His tongue swept inside her mouth, delving deep until he tasted her and he was all she could taste. She tried to insert her hands between them, to push him away, but he merely held her more firmly, telling her without words that she wasn’t escaping.

She let out a moan that was part desire and part despair. His kiss gentled and then he feathered his lips over her cheek, down her jawbone and then upward, pressing his mouth tenderly over both eyelids. He licked away the tiny evidence of moisture at the corners of her eyes even as his arms fully enveloped her, anchoring her body to his.

“You matter, Eliza,” he whispered against her skin. “You matter to a lot of people, but you matter to me. To me. And I’m not letting you go now that I’ve finally gotten you where I want you.”

He rotated, rolling until he was solidly atop her, his warmth and strength seeping into her very bones. When was the last time she truly felt safe? When was the last time she felt free to just . . . be? He overwhelmed her. Made her feel all the things he’d attributed to her. In his arms she truly felt precious. Important. Loved . . .

She shook her head in silent denial. She wouldn’t—couldn’t—go there. No one could ever love her. Find her worthy. How could they when she knew the truth? When she bore the sins of a lifetime and there would never be absolution for her. But God, he made her want. Just for a few precious moments, he made her dream of what could have been if she hadn’t made so many mistakes.