With Every Breath (Slow Burn 4)

“And then I felt an odd flutter in my head. A probing sensation. It was painful, like an actual physical attack, but nothing like the second time.”

Wade’s expression darkened, his eyes glittering fiercely.

“I watched him the entire time and kept my thoughts and emotions in check. And then I saw his shock when he wasn’t able to get in, wasn’t able to read me. He even frowned and paused in his speech but then looked away and continued on. I knew he’d try again and I was going to give him that one last chance and then I was getting out of there.”

Wade frowned as he watched her closely.

“The second time he came at me hard and fast, striking without warning. I was stunned by how painful it was. My head felt like it was going to explode. Like something was going to pop or burst. But again, I warded him off and he couldn’t get in. And then I realized my mistake or rather the mistake I nearly made.”

Wade’s eyebrow went up in question.

“Yes, I wanted him to see me and, yes, I wanted him to know that he could no longer control me, that he no longer had any power over me, but I needed him to think that even though he was no longer manipulating my actions and emotions that I still loved him and chose to be with him. I wanted him to think that I was there because of him, so that we could be together and live happily ever after and all that other bullshit I thought I wanted when I was sixteen,” she said with an edge of bitterness she couldn’t suppress.

“So I looked directly into his eyes, and I smiled at him. I put on the act of my life by faking joy, desire, love and need and pouring all of that into my eyes and my smile. And then, so he couldn’t possibly misunderstand, I made a gesture that he used for me when we were together.”

She balled her fist and demonstrated the gesture for Wade so he would see instead of relying on her description.

“I swear I saw delight flash in his eyes and then he sent me this smoldering look that was a mixture of desire and need and oh God, Wade. It made me sick to my soul. Even though I already knew that I’d beat him, that he could no longer control me psychically, it was then that it really sank in, because if he had been able to exert his will then I would not have reacted to him looking at me the way I did. If he had been controlling me, I would have been delirious with joy for him to have looked at me that way. My feelings, my reactions to him were mine. Not his.”

Wade leaned forward and kissed her long and so very sweet, his tongue brushing over the seam of her lips as he lightly tasted her. When he leaned back again, pride and fierce satisfaction blazed in his eyes.

“Proud of you, baby.”

He reinforced his words of praise by gathering her hands between them and squeezing them and then lacing their fingers together before lowering their joined hands to his lap.

“Before that moment, he’d vilified me and ripped me to shreds and then suddenly he did a complete one-eighty and defended me.”

“Yeah, I heard that,” Wade muttered.

She lowered her gaze to their linked hands, staring at something that seemed so ordinary and yet it was symbolic to her in a way she couldn’t fully explain.

She wasn’t alone.

She had someone to lean on.

She had someone she trusted.

She had someone she . . .

“He’s going to come after you, baby,” Wade said in a grim tone.

“Yeah, I know,” she quietly acknowledged. “But I’ll be ready this time.”

“No, we’ll be ready,” Wade said forcefully. “You will not face this bastard. Not now. Not ever. He shows his face, he’s a dead man. He’s already voiced his wish to disappear and be left in peace, and in doing so, he unwittingly played right into my hands. Because I plan to give him exactly what he asked for. No one will ever find his body. No one will ever know—or care—what happened to him. He will have simply disappeared like he already stated he planned to do.”

It wasn’t as though she hadn’t known of Wade’s intentions. It wasn’t the first time he’d stated his mission. But somehow hearing it now, when Thomas was free and within reach, Eliza was seized with absolute panic and paralyzing fear.

“I don’t want you to do this for me,” she said fiercely, desperation heavy in her voice. “Please don’t do this, Wade. I could never live with myself if you killed a man because of me. For me.”

Wade slowly brought their joined hands up and turned one of hers so it was pressed to his mouth. Then he looked at her, utter gravity etched in every part of his expression.

“You still don’t get it yet, do you Eliza? I fucking love you. You’re mine. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to ensure your safety and happiness and you’ll never be either as long as that bastard breathes.”

All the breath was squeezed painfully from her lungs, and it was physically impossible for her to draw in more air. She stared at him in complete bewilderment, shock splintering and ricocheting up and down her spine. Her lungs burned, her chest was on fire and tears burned like acid at the corners of her eyes.

“You love me?” she whispered in a nearly inaudible voice.

She finally managed to drag in a shuddering ragged breath. She was trembling so hard that her hands shook in Wade’s firm grasp.

He shook his head but his smile was achingly tender. “Do you honestly think I don’t? Do you doubt it? Baby, when this is over and done with and a threat no longer exists to you, you’re marrying me. I’m never letting you go. And I’ll love and protect you and do everything I can to make you happy until I draw my very last breath.”

The tears she’d tried so hard to suppress ran freely down her cheeks in endless streaks as she stared back at him in wonder. In awe. She was so overwhelmed that her throat knotted and closed. She couldn’t have spoken in that moment if her life depended on it.

He loved her. He’d given her the most precious words she’d ever been gifted with. She tried to speak. To say something, anything, but the knot only grew larger until she freed one of her hands from Wade’s hold and held it to the front of her throat, rubbing in an effort to alleviate the aching obstruction.

Hadn’t she battled with herself endlessly over her feelings for Wade? Questioned them. At times, nearly admitting it, as recently as just moments ago when she’d marveled at what she was to Wade. But before she had actually formed the word love Wade had spoken, taking the conversation in a different direction.