I had no idea when he had made all these plans, but being Graham, it didn’t surprise me that he would be thinking ahead. He and Richard were similar in that way.
“Yes, of course. But I-I can’t leave him alone—”
Graham held up his hand, interrupting me. “All I am saying is you can’t spend every minute of the day here. We’ll help you all we can, Katy. With the girls, making sure Richard isn’t alone. Anything you need. But I have to insist—”
I pushed down the flash of anger at his words—I knew he was trying to help, but I was not leaving Richard. Not for anything or anyone—even our girls. Simply the thought of doing so caused panic to seize my chest, and the words tumbled out fast and jumbled. “I am not leaving him now. I can’t. He needs me to be here when he wakes. I need to be with him.”
“Of course not,” he soothed. “You can stay here. We’ll keep the girls—they’ve stayed with us before. Once Richard wakes up—and he will wake up—you can come and go as you need. We’ll tell Gracie that Mommy and Daddy took a little trip and we’re having a long sleepover. You can call them so they hear your voice.”
Laura nodded, interjecting softly, “The girls need you too, Katy.”
I knew she was right, except it didn’t sway my decision. My voice shook. “Gracie will want to talk to Daddy.”
“You can distract her. When he wakes, he’ll want to talk to her too.”
“What if-what if…”
“Don’t say it,” Graham said firmly. “Don’t even think it. He’s going to wake up, and he’s going to be fine.”
I had to say the words out loud before they overtook every other thought in my head. “And if he’s not? What if the surgery wasn’t successful?”
“Will you love him any less if he can’t walk? Or speak as clearly?”
“No,” I replied immediately. “All I want is him to be with us. That’s all that matters.”
“Exactly. He’ll rebuild his life.” He grabbed my hands. “We’re going to get through this, Katy.”
I met his eyes, startled by the film of tears in them.
“We have to get through this,” he added. “Your girls need you. Richard would want you to make them a priority.”
I had no response to offer. I knew he was right, but for now, I had to stay.
My heart ached, desperate for the one thing it needed above all else. And that one thing was fighting for his life somewhere in this hospital. I had to be close.
“I’m staying here,” I announced. “Until I know what is happening, I am staying right here.”
I stood, suddenly unable to sit anymore. I began to pace, adding my own footsteps to the miles that had been trod on this floor before me.
Until they took me to Richard, this was the only way I could cope.The waiting room upstairs was much quieter. Laura and Jenna left to go see the girls and get a few things for me. Mrs. Thomas insisted the girls stay overnight in their own home, stating she could be with them for a few days without issue.
“They will be happier surrounded by their own things and their routine,” she insisted when I spoke with her. “I’ll be praying for Richard, Katy. For all of you. I’ll take care of your girls. You take care of him.”
Her barely concealed distress tipped me over the edge, and I shut myself in the washroom and fought through a panic attack, begging and pleading with God for another miracle and for the strength to get through this for him. Richard got through the surgery—now I needed him to come back to me.
In whatever state he could.
Together, we would handle it. The other option was unthinkable.
Graham sat, his fingers flying over his phone, constantly checking on me. I kept pacing, grateful for the quiet in the room. At present, we were the only two people and I went around the space in a constant motion. His phone rang, and he answered it, speaking low.
He stood and cleared his throat. “I, ah, need to go check on Brad, Katy. He’s awake.”
“Of course,” I replied, feeling badly I had forgotten about Brad in all of this. “I’ll be fine, Graham.”
“I won’t be long. I’m sure he isn’t up for much of a visit.”
“Take as much time as you need. I’ll be here.”
He squeezed my shoulder and dropped a kiss on my forehead. “I’ll be right back.”
I watched him walk away and dropped into a chair, feeling exhausted. I slipped my phone from my pocket and opened my photos. Screen after screen of Richard, Gracie, and Heather flipped by. I paused at one picture, my thumb hovering over the swipe key.
I had taken it of Richard one night by the pool. The sun was setting, casting a burnished glow to the snapshot. He was looking right at me, his sharp jaw softened by the scruff I liked, his head tilted as he looked at me. His intense hazel eyes were focused on me holding my phone, a smile playing on his full lips. He held a glass of wine loosely in his hand, while he stroked his bottom lip with one long finger. Bare-chested, his skin still glistening from his swim, and his hair swept off his face, he was stunning in the muted light, his love for me evident. It was one of my favorite pictures of him.