I grinned. “Not my fault you’re so perfect to snuggle up to. You smell good.”
“Your, ah, wheezing, is much louder up close.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Cute.”
She smirked. “Sorry.” Her expression turned serious. “I am sorry about this morning.”
I scratched the back of my neck. “I guess it was bound to happen.”
“There’s a good chance she’ll forget. We may have the conversation again.”
“At least we can say we did tell her, and maybe she won’t be so upset.”
“I suppose.”
I took a sip of coffee. “What did she say to you?”
“She was worried I was pregnant.”
“That’s not an issue. Never will be.” I couldn’t resist teasing her on the subject. “Even if we expand our boundaries.”
“Are you not able to father children?”
“I have no idea. I’ve never attempted to procreate, and I never plan to. I am always protected, and I make sure my partners are, too.”
She tilted her head, confused. “You don’t want children?”
“Katharine, I don’t have the capacity to actually be in a real relationship. I have no interest in being a father and bringing another emotionally stunted person into this world. I would never be able to connect with a child, which is why I have no desire for children. Ever.”
“I think you’re wrong.”
“Wrong?”
“I think you have the capacity. I think you could connect—love—a child. If you loved their mother.”
I barked a laugh. “Since that’s never going to happen, I stick to my original statement.”
“Why are you so certain you can’t fall in love?”
I was getting impatient. “I told you. Love makes you weak. It makes you need people. Depend on them. I won’t allow that to happen.”
“Sometimes things happen that are beyond our control.”
I waved my hand. “Not in this case. There is no love or children in my future.”
“That sounds lonely.”
“I have my work, and it fulfills me. It’s sufficient.”
She studied me, a frown on her face. “Is it?”
“Stop trying to analyze me, Katharine.”
“I’m not. I’m trying to understand you.”
“Don’t.”
“Why?”
I leaned forward, my hands fisted on the desk. “I don’t pay you to understand me. I’m paying you to act out a role.”
“One that gets more complex every day.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t you get tired of it, Richard? The lies? We seem to add more all the time. It’s like a snowball that grows as it rolls down a snowy hill.” She sighed. “It was supposed to be a simple thing—me pretending to be your fiancée. Now it has grown and escalated to the point I don’t even recognize myself! I hate lying to people—and I’m lying to everyone! Penny, the Gavin family, people at the care home . . . It’s one huge mountain of lies!”
“It’s a means to an end. No one is getting hurt.”
“Really? I think you’re wrong.”
“How do you figure that?” I waved my hand around the room. “Graham isn’t suffering, Penny is being looked after, you’re living in a better place, and you don’t have to work. Who is getting hurt?”
Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I feel guilty—more so every day.”
“Why?”
“I like these people. I really like Jenna; we’ve become friends. Knowing I’m lying to her bothers me. Graham and Laura have been nothing but kind. It’s as if I’m betraying them with this farce. The people at the home think we’re married.”
“We are,” I insisted. “It’s not a farce. Our marriage is legal.”
“They think it’s real. They think we’re in love. And Penny . . . I never wanted Penny to know. I didn’t want to have to lie to her of all people. I hate lying to her the most.”
“You know she’ll probably forget.”
Katharine rolled her eyes. “It’s still a lie. Tami and others will keep reminding her, so she may not forget. And there’s Adrian, Adam, Julia . . .” She huffed in exasperation. “The list grows.”
Drumming my fingers on the desk, I shrugged. “It’s bigger than I expected, I’ll give you that much. Even Brian thinks I had a change of heart. When we played golf the other day, he congratulated me on finally finding my ‘human side.’”
“It doesn’t bother you? How many people this lie touches? How many people it will affect when it’s done?”
“Katharine, stop being overdramatic. Marriages break up all the time. The world will go on. We’ll figure out the hows and whys when we decide the time is right.”
“And, in the meantime, we keep lying.”
I was done with this inane conversation. I rubbed my head and scowled. “Yes. We keep lying. I’m still paying you, and it’s still a job. Until further notice, you are my wife. Keep acting the part. Pretend you like me. Dig deep, and imagine you love me. Do whatever you need to do to keep up the ‘farce,’ as you call it.”
She rose to her feet, shaking her head. “That’s the rub here, Richard. I don’t always have to pretend to like you. When you stop acting like such an asshole, you’re a decent man. You respond to people. You’re kind and generous to Penny. For some reason, you forget to be that asshole you show the rest of the world when you’re around her. Sometimes, you forget even when you’re around me.” Her expression was sad and her voice dejected. “Sometimes, I forget you dislike me and I think we’re actually friends.”