“Tell me,” I urged. “Please.”
“No. You need to figure this out. Get to know your wife without help. If you try, if you think, you can do this, Richard.” He squeezed my shoulder. “I have confidence.”
“What if I can’t?”
“Then you don’t want it badly enough. If you love her, if you really love her, you’ll figure it out.” He paused and regarded me thoughtfully. “I’m going to ask you a question. I want you to answer me without thinking. I want your first thought.”
I straightened my shoulders. I was good at that. “Shoot.”
“Why do you love Katy?”
“Because she makes me look at the world in a different way. She grounds me.” I lifted a shoulder in frustration of how to explain. “She makes life brighter. She showed me what real love meant.”
He nodded. “I’ll drive you home now.”RICHARD
IN THE HALLWAY, LAURA STOPPED us. She looked up at me, a frown on her face.
“I was listening by the door, Richard.”
“Okay.”
“I heard almost everything.”
I dropped my gaze, hers too intense to meet any longer.
“You lied to me. To my family.”
“Yes.”
“So did Katy.”
My head shot up. “Because I made her, Laura. She hated it. She hated the fact she had to lie in the first place, but once she got to know you, she loathed it.” I stepped forward. “She did this to make sure Penny was looked after and had a safe home. She . . . she became so fond of you, of all of you, this ruse ate her up inside.” I gripped the back of my neck, wrenching on the tense muscles. “I think it was the main reason she left. She couldn’t take the lies anymore.”
She stretched up, tugging on my arm. I released the grip on my neck and allowed her to clasp my hand.
“Was it still a lie when she left?”
“No,” I admitted. “I love her. I’m lost without Katy.” I swung my gaze to Graham and back to her. “That’s why I had to tell you. I needed a clean slate, no matter what else happens. I needed you to understand this was all on me. Not her. If I leave town, and she comes back, I hope you’ll forgive her. She’s going to be all alone.”
Laura smiled. “You’ve grown, Richard. Your first thought now is Katy and her well-being.”
“It should have always been.”
She squeezed my hand. “Find your wife. Tell her the truth. I think you’ll find you aren’t the only one who’s lost.”
My chest constricted. I wanted to believe—to believe she loved me, too. That she ran because she needed to figure out her next step. I needed to find her so she understood she didn’t have to make it alone.
“I want that.”
Graham spoke up. “Then work for it. Earn it. Figure out your personal life. Once you do, we’ll discuss your professional one. As of this moment, you’re on leave until we talk again. You aren’t fired, but your future isn’t set in stone, either.”
“I understand.”
I had expected to be fired instantly. Thrown out of his house. No matter the outcome, or how difficult it would be, a future discussion was more than I deserved.
“Thank you,” I stated sincerely.
“I’ll take you home now.”
I followed him to the car reflecting that without Katy there, it wasn’t my home. It was the place where I lived. Wherever she was right now, that was my home. Beside her. I had to find her and bring her back. Then I could call it home again.After Graham dropped me off, I wandered the condo, unsure where to start. On the coffee table was the file holding all Katy’s color swatches and ideas for the place. She had added to the list for my bedroom, her little sketches included rearrangement of the furniture and color on the walls. She was talented. I had noticed but had never told her that, though I should have. There were many thoughts I should have shared.
I tossed the file back onto the coffee table. When I got her back, we could discuss whatever changes she wanted to make to our room. She could do whatever she pleased to the entire place, as long as she was there, it was fine.
First, I had to find my wife.
I went to her room, dragging a small file box off her closet shelf. I knew it contained legal documents for her and Penny. I sat down on the chaise and opened the lid, ignoring the sense of guilt. These were her personal things and I felt as if I shouldn’t be looking through them without her permission.
However, I had no choice.
An hour later, I put everything back in the box, my head reeling a little. Katharine was very good at keeping records. For the first time, I understood how close to the edge of poverty she’d been living. How every cent she made went toward Penny and her care. I was able to see how the expenses became greater while her income only increased marginally. She had cut back further and further on her own expenditures—moving to cheaper accommodations, spending as little as she could on everyday necessities. Thinking back to how I treated her at the office, the things she put up with on a daily basis, how I mocked her menial lunches—it all made me squirm. Shame, hot and deep, ran through me as I thought of the things I’d done, the way I’d spoken. How she ever moved past it, and had forgiven me, was a miracle.