The role I could play safely.
I needed to step back and be exactly what he hired me to be: his housekeeper.I knew my decision came with a cost. Liam wanted me to be his wingman at the events he had to go to. Play his girlfriend, hold his hand, and cover for the horrendous panic he experienced in public. I had promised, and now I was reneging. I simply wasn’t strong enough to pretend—not when he was still under the delusion that he was in love with me. It wasn’t fair to him, or to me. Because for me, it wasn’t an illusion. I knew I loved him, but I couldn’t tell him. He needed his partner to be more than I could be for him. It was best he went back to his friends to help him out. There was no danger there of real feelings bleeding into the mix and messing things up. I had been too much of a coward to tell him, so Everett and Lily were doing so.
But from the sounds of his heavy footfalls and cursed mutterings, he was coming to challenge me. I braced myself for the onslaught. I had to be strong.
For both of us.LIAMI met Shelby in the hallway and, without a word, grabbed her arm and dragged her into the den, shutting the door loudly behind her.
“Are you not coming with me on Saturday?”
She looked everywhere but at me. “I thought maybe you’d be more comfortable—”
I interrupted her. “I’d be most comfortable with you, Shelby.” I drew in a deep breath. “My Shelby. Not the perfect Stepford-wife housekeeper version that’s been running around the house the last few days.”
I paced, running my hands through my hair in frustration. “I realize I shocked you the other day. I know I handled it badly.” I stopped and stared at her. “But pretending it didn’t happen isn’t working. I said it. I meant it. I love you.”
She started to shake her head, and for the first time ever, I became angry with her.
“Don’t you dare stand there and tell me I don’t, Shelby. I know you think I’m a git and can’t possibly be mature enough to have those feelings for you, but I assure you, I do. I am not a child. The only separation issue I feel is the thought of losing you to another man because I waited too bloody long to tell you how I feel.” By the time I finished, I was almost yelling, but I was so upset I couldn’t stop it.
Her eyes filled with tears, and instantly, my anger deflated.
“That’s not what I think, Liam.”
I sat heavily on the sofa. “I get it. I really do. You don’t feel the same way. Or, at least, you’re not ready to admit you do. I should have handled this better.” My head fell into my hands. “Don’t take away your friendship. If nothing else, let me be your friend. I miss you so much, Beaker.” I sighed. “I need you beside me Saturday. If you can’t come as my date, promise me you’ll come as my friend. That’s all I’m asking. Please.”
For a moment, there was silence, and then Shelby sat beside me. I felt her hand slip into mine, pulling it away from my cheek. “I’m sorry, Liam.”
I looked at her sad face. “Because you don’t love me?”
“I do love you. Just not the way you want me to.”
She was lying. I knew she was—her body language screamed it.
“Why? You can’t, or you won’t let yourself?”
Her eyes shut, and when they opened, they were filled with pain. “I can’t handle…all of it. It’s all too much. I’m not the right woman for you.” Her voice dropped. “I couldn’t stand losing you.”
“And you’re certain you would?”
“It’s the logical conclusion. Your life is vastly different from mine.”
“You’re already a part of it.”
“A small part.”
“No. A far larger part than you realize.”
She sighed, running a shaky hand through her hair. “Liam—”
I lifted our clasped hands and kissed hers. “I’m not going to give up, Shelby. But I’ll back off. For now.” I sighed heavily. “Don’t keep yourself away from me. Please. Don’t punish my feelings that way. Don’t punish me.”
She gasped quietly at my words, as if realizing for the first time how much her distance hurt me.
“All right.”
“So, you’ll come Saturday? Hold my hand all night? Keep me calm?”
“Yes.”
“Will you stop all the bloody cleaning? I can’t possibly be that messy.” I paused. “And please, not another word about curtains and paint colors. I’ll go right mental.”
A small smile ghosted across her lips. “Okay.”
“And your music. I never thought I’d say it, but I miss your shit playing in the kitchen. It comforts me.”
“All right. I’ll play my shit music for you.”
“Can we be Beaker and Oscar again?”
“Yes.”
I heaved a sigh of relief. “Brilliant. Can we finish the Lord of the Rings saga tonight? I’m dying to know how it ends. I think poor little Frodo is in big trouble.”