Sandy - Vested Interest

I held her tight, unsure of what was happening.

“Don’t let go,” she begged over and again. “Don’t ever let me go.”

I held her closer, relief running through my body.

“Never.”SandyI wrapped my shawl tighter around my shoulders and shivered. The house felt cold today—or maybe it was just me. I had barely slept four hours all week since telling Jordan I couldn’t see him anymore.

I couldn’t get the devastated look on his face out of my mind. The pain in his eyes. The tears that mingled with mine when he kissed me and walked away.

I was certain I had done the right thing. I wasn’t ready.

Except, since breaking it off with Jordan, I couldn’t escape the pain I felt. It was as virulent as when Max died, but different. Fresher, more acute somehow. As if my body was telling me I was suffering needlessly.

He called me a coward. At times, I thought perhaps he was right. It scared me to think of moving on, of having feelings for someone again.

Of falling in love and losing him. Experiencing that pain all over again. Knowing I would have to rebuild my life yet again without the person I loved beside me.

It was better to have walked away now.

I wasn’t ready.

Even if the look of pain on Jordan’s face still haunted me. The hurt in his voice.

I poured the water from the kettle into the cup, letting the tea steep and darken the water. I wrapped my hands around the mug and walked to the living room, switching on the gas fireplace. Outside, the sky was dark, the day foreboding.

I tried not to think of last weekend. Being in Jordan’s arms while the storm raged. Feeling safe and calm while he hummed and lulled me to sleep.

Today, I would have to tough it out on my own.

I set aside the tea, not really wanting it. I curled up on the sofa and slipped on some noise-canceling headphones. I would feel better after a nap—I was certain of it. With the low music playing in my head, my body slowly relaxed, and I drifted into sleep.The sky was dreary and dull. I was lost, wandering in an area I was unfamiliar with. Cold, I pulled on my shawl, shocked to find the ends torn and frayed. I stumbled, gasping as I fell. A pair of strong arms caught me before I hit the pavement, keeping me from injury.

I turned and looked into the face of the man holding me. He smiled, his green eyes warm.

“All right, my darling?”

“Jordan. You’re here!”

“Where else would I be?”

“But I sent you away—you were furious with me.”

He shook his head. “I was waiting for you. I’ve been waiting for you for a long time.”

“I can’t—I told you I can’t.”

He stood, releasing me. “You can. You need to let him go. He’s waiting. We’re both waiting for you, Sandy.”

“What?”

He indicated behind me with the tilt of his chin. I turned and saw another man standing, watching us. I stepped forward. “Max?”

“Hello, my girl.”

“How is this possible?”

“Anything is possible in your dreams.”

“Is that what this is?”

“This is anything you want it to be.”

“I don’t know what to do, Max.”

He smiled sadly. “Yes, you do. You need to be the strong woman I know you are. Let me go and find your happiness again.”

“I don’t know if I can do that.”

“You can. It’s what I wanted. It’s what I always wanted for you. Our chapter is over, Sandy, but you have an entirely new book to write. Grab it. Write it. Live it.”

He began to fade. “I’ll always be there, Sandy. Just let me be where I belong. In the past.”

“Max—no—wait!”

“You don’t have to choose. You can love us both. Now, wake up, my girl. Wake up now and grab your happiness. Open the door, Sandy. Open the door!”

And he was gone.I sat up, gasping. My headphones were on the floor, and outside, the thunder rolled. I heard the rain pelting against the glass, and I ran a shaky hand over my face.

My weird dream played like a movie in my head. It had been so real.

Max’s words echoed in my head. The gentle, loving look on Jordan’s face danced behind my eyes.

I thought of the other dreams I’d had with Max in them. I always felt, in some way, he was reaching out to me. Guiding me.

Was he guiding me to Jordan? Was that possible?

A noise caught my attention, and I stood. It sounded like the porch door shutting. I scrubbed my face and yawned. I was so tired, and the nap hadn’t helped. Slowly, I walked down the hall, assuming a delivery had been left for me. I peeked out the front door, but no one was there. As I suspected, there was a large box off to one side of the porch.