Ahhhhhhh!!!! I scream on my knees, hands on my head. I don’t fucking know what to do with this. My mind was set to hate her and make her pay for it until some of the ire wore off. But this. FUCK! This I am not ready for. It doesn’t help that I can’t beat the shit out of her father. Burn the house down with him alive and tied up inside, with a tape recording of me telling him exactly why he is dying and taunting him with the sounds of his daughter cumming while riding my dick to fill his last thoughts.
I try to stand but I can’t. Visions of a tiny Lissi on her back begging her father to stop hurting her, begging him to just tell me and I will take care of her. Visions of her locked in a room somewhere, swollen and pregnant with my daughter, crying for me every night. I feel like I have been given, a hallucinogen. Oh, God. I just took her like a common hooker against the couch.
I need to talk to someone. But who? Om. My big brother. He is not the oldest, but he is the more brutal of the seven of us besides Brand maybe. I jump in my car, fighting with myself not to go inside and hold her. To tell her I am sorry for treating her like she means nothing to me. Beg her to forgive me. The truth is, with as angry as I am right now, I am not altogether sure I would be able to control my anger. Even with her and this is isn’t her fault.
I pull up to Om’s, waiting in the car and sending him a message. I don’t want to wake Taryn. She is due to give birth any day and I would feel like shit if I interrupted her sleep. When he responds that he is on his way out I relax a bit.
“Troy. What’s going on?” Just like him to get to the point.
“I don’t know what to do,” I say to him, head in my hands.
“Ah. Lissette. Yeah. Mom told us. I would be pissed too little brother.”
“No. That’s just it. I can’t be mad.” I proceed to tell him what she told me and when I am done, I see the murderous rage on his face that I feel.
“What. The. Fuck? I see why you’re so fucking bent up. My question is though, do you believe her?”
My mind has gone there a few times in the past 30 minutes. But I keep coming back to the same thing. She loved me. I loved her. She knew if she would have told me, my family would have taken care of both of us. She had no reason to believe otherwise.
“I do, bro. You remember how we were back then. There is no way she didn’t know I would have stepped up. No. Her dad did this. Motherfucker is lucky he is already six feet under.”
“Well then. Seems to me, you have your answer. You can either let the anger consume you, especially given the person you should be taking it out on is no longer alive. And lose her again, because you can’t get over it. Or, you can thank God she gave birth to your kid, especially given her situation and start trying to build something together. Either way, congratulations on being a dad.” Well shit. It’s like for the first time, I am allowing myself to feel the implications of what just happened. I am a dad. I have a kid. A daughter to be exact. Holy hell.
He gets out of the car and heads back in after patting my back once again and letting me know our conversation will stay confidential. He is one of the few of us that doesn’t gossip and minds his own business. I am still too pumped to go home so I drive around for a bit, trying to clear my mind. When I finally feel like I have some semblance of control, I pull in and note all the lights are off inside the house. Maybe she went to bed.
Walking into the bedroom, I put my keys and shit down, while taking off my clothes. When I lean over and look at her, gutted does not begin to cover it.
She went to bed crying. I am such an asshole. I slide in behind her, kissing her head as I lay down and pulling her into my arms. Silently, I promise her I will make it up to her. Somehow.4LisetteGoing to sleep without him is nothing new, but it hurt worse than the last seven years did. Once again, I cry myself to sleep, but that is nothing new either. I strip down to nothing, crawl into his bed and feel surrounded by him, which intensifies the crying. Later on, I feel him climb in the bed behind me and he pulls me closer to him. I open my eyes and see that it’s just dusk. I roll over and his lips find mine. God, how I have missed this over the years.