Not My Hero

“Hey,” Colton murmurs as he sits down next to me.

I lean back and hug my legs to my chest. Resting my chin on my knees, I look at Colton. “Hey.”

He sits back and turns his body toward me. Lifting a hand, he brushes my bangs away from my eyes. “You know you don’t have to go tomorrow, right?”

I nod and let out a sigh. “I’m still in two minds. Part of me wants to forget she ever existed, and the other half wants to go… to get some sort of closure.”

Colton seems to think about something for a moment before he says, “Whatever you want to do. We’ll go with you.”

Worried about my grandparents being there, I murmur, “I’ve never met my grandparents. I don’t know what to say to them.”

Colton tilts his head. “They were never a part of your life, Brie. You don’t owe them anything, so if you have nothing to say to them, then it’s okay. We’ll avoid them.”

“They paid for our expenses,” I admit.

“That doesn’t change anything,” Colton states.

I let out another sigh, not so sure if Colton is right.

He shifts a little closer to me. “Just because my father is paying for everything doesn’t mean shit. It’s his damn responsibility. The same counts for your grandparents. They must’ve known your mother was crazy as hell, and they didn’t do anything to help you.” Anger tightens his features. “If you ask my opinion, they owe you, Brie. They are the ones who failed you.”

My gaze drifts over Colton’s features before they settle on his eyes.

His words begin to sink in, and I realize he’s right. My grandparents stuck us in this town because they knew my mother was unhinged. All that mattered was their precious public image.

When I was younger, I used to feel sad I never got to see my grandparents. With time, I didn’t care anymore.

And now?

For the first time, anger flickers to life.

They rejected me first. They left me with their daughter, knowing how unstable she was.

The anger actually makes me feel better. It’s the first emotion that doesn’t feel wrong since I got the news of my mother’s passing.

“You’re right,” I whisper. “You’ll be there with me so they won’t be able to hurt me. At least not physically,” I voice another worry.

“And no matter what they say, don’t let it get to you. They don’t matter in your life, Brie. Just keep telling yourself that,” Colton says.

They don’t matter.

It’s funny how one sentence can change your perception of people. I used to give so many people who didn’t matter the power to hurt me.

Michael. Sully. Lindy. All the bullies. None of them have any kind of role in my life. Yet, for too long, I let them walk over me.

Not anymore.

Over the past few weeks, Colton has shown me that I’m worth more than just being someone’s punching bag. I do have value. I can be loved.

I’m not worthless.

Emotion wells in my chest, and lifting my head, I take hold of Colton’s hand. I interweave our fingers. “Yeah.” The corner of my mouth curves slightly up. “You and Cassie are the only people who matter to me.”

A smile forms on Colton’s face. “Damn right.” Lifting my hand, he presses a kiss to my thumb. “The same counts for your mother. Don’t feel bad because you’re not sad that she’s gone. She doesn’t deserve your tears. Okay?”

Hearing the words helps lessen the guilt I feel. “Okay.”

Staring at Colton, my heart beats a little faster. He’s become my world. It happened so quickly it still feels surreal at times.

Without Colton, I’m not so sure I’d still be here today.

She wouldn’t have mourned me if I had committed suicide.

The thought rattles through me, and it knocks the breath from my lungs.

“What?” Colton leans closer, concern darkening his eyes.

“I just realized something.” I shake my head, still feeling overwhelmed by the thought. “My mom threatened to kill me so many times. Even that day, I wanted to commit suicide, she just stood there taunting me.” My eyes lock on Colton’s. “She wouldn’t have cared if I had ended it all.”

Wrapping an arm around me, Colton pulls me closer until I can rest my chin on his shoulder. “You’re allowed to hate her, Brie. The world is better off with her dead.”

The guilt dissipates totally. I think I just needed to hear the words from Colton – to know he won’t hate me.

Determined to put my mother in the past, I pull back and say, “I’m not going to feel guilty for being relieved she’s gone.”

The corners of Colton’s lips curve up. “Do you feel better?”

A smile tugs at my mouth. “Yeah.” Closing the distance between us again, I wrap my arms around Colton’s neck and murmur, “You always make me feel better. Thank you.”COLTONEven though Brie seems more at ease after we talked, I still worry that things can go epically bad at the funeral.