The Fortunate Ones

Having such a blast with my handsome date at the @AustinPetsAlive Summer Gala. This organization is one of a kind and one very close to my heart. It’s so important to give back and take care of Austin’s furry friends, y’all!Her love of philanthropy sparks my memory. I knew I recognized her when I first looked at the photo at Twin Oaks, and when I scroll through her Instagram feed, I connect the dots. Her name is Lacy Nichols, and she’s as close to a society belle as Austin has. I mean, this isn’t the 1880s, but it is the south. She’s the (#youngest) vice president of the Women’s Philanthropic League of Austin in history, and there’s even a photo on her Instagram where she’s posed with my stepmom for a council meeting. This town is too damn small.

I remember now that she was at the tea Martha and Ellie dragged me to at the beginning of summer. She was tasked with giving a speech before we were allowed to stuff our faces with finger sandwiches. I can’t remember what she said, as I wasn’t listening, but now I wish I had been.

Further Instagram stalking (of which I am not proud) reveals that she’s everything James is looking for. At 31, she’s 6 years older than me, and in her prime. She’s been in a dozen weddings in the last year and always captions those posts with some adorable self-deprecating joke about always being a bridesmaid, never a bride. Her friends follow suit with ridiculously positive comments like, GIRL, you’ll be the next one walking down the aisle!!!!! Not to mention, she clearly adores kids. She posts photos with her nieces and nephews like four times a week. This girl’s ovaries are practically screaming at me through my iPhone screen.

She is, to quote her friend’s comment, total wifey material, and by contrast, I’m a loose cannon. Being in that many weddings and wearing that much chiffon would make me break out in hives. I don’t want to babysit tiny children. I want to hike to Macchu Picchu and swim in the Mediterranean. I want to spend a summer in the south of France, drinking my way from one vineyard to another. I want to miss my train in Germany and hop on the next one no matter where it’s headed.

I am not so delusional that I can’t see how precisely Lacy Nichols fits into James’ five-year plan, but I still don’t want them together because I am a selfish person with envy in my heart and melted chocolate on my fingers. The chocolate is from me attempting to eat my feelings, but it didn’t work; I’m just as annoyed by the fact that he took Lacy as his date as I was before I ate the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Lesson learned.CHAPTER FOURTEENMy mom and dad married really young, and it didn’t work out. I don’t quite know all the details, but I do remember my mom sitting Ellie and me down and explaining that she was shagging our neighbor, Jorge. He was a few years younger, and sexual in a way that awoke a yearning desire in her. I don’t know, it was all pretty gross, so I repressed most of the conversation. I do recall the moment a few years later when she told us she was moving, though. I think it went something like this: I’m in love like I’ve never been before, and sometimes love takes you to strange places. I’m moving to Africa. I think she even said it in a breezy, heart-struck tone, definitely not the way a mom should sound when telling her two daughters that, for all intents and purposes, she’d rather spend her time around civil war and famine than with them.

“What? Why?” I cried.

“Jorge is a member of the Peace Corps. He’s been stationed in Sudan, and I need to go with him. Those people need us.”

I’m paraphrasing, but you get the gist. None of it made sense at the time. Obviously she had to divorce our dad if she was going to continue having sex with our neighbor—even my adolescent brain could compute that—but why did she have to move? Didn’t she know we needed her too?

I’m almost embarrassed to admit that this whole episode in my life still bothers me. Being a teenager without a mom present changed me; I really haven’t felt normal since the day she waved goodbye to us from beyond the airport gate. I try not to dwell on those thoughts though. They aren’t healthy, and thankfully I’ve realized since then that I don’t have to fear love. Not every person I get close to in my life is going to abandon me just because my mom did. However, I have learned from her mistakes. Lesson 1: Don’t get married young. Lesson 2: Don’t have kids if you don’t really want them around.