Doctor Dearest

His eyes catch mine. His gaze is a dagger in my heart, a twisting, piercing pain. Saturday night flashes back to me. His hands gripping my thighs. His lips on my neck. His heart a steady thump-thump against my palm.

We did that and now we’re here, and it seems impossible to build a bridge between the two worlds.

He stands and grabs his laptop. He has to brush past me to get out of the hospital room, and I could move, but I stay where I am as his arm touches mine. Our scrubs and my white coat separate us, and maybe that’s for the best. Maybe I need that physical reminder of where we are because I like him in my space too much. Even after the explosion on Saturday night, I still want him.

“Thank you,” he tells me on his way out, and after he leaves, I glance over to see the girl blinking her eyes open.

“Good morning,” I say with a gentle smile. “I’m Dr. Natalie Martin.”

“Hi,” she whispers groggily as she glances around the room.

I wonder if she remembers where she is. I’m about to remind her that she’s in a hospital when she asks about Connor.

“Do you know him?” She points to me. “He wears a doctor coat just like that.”

“Yes. I know him.”

“Did he go home?” she asks with a frown.

“No no,” I assure her. “He stayed with you all night, but he had to go to the bathroom and get ready for work.”

She smiles. “He’s my friend.”

“Really?” I sound very impressed.

She uses her good hand to push herself up to a sitting position and nods proudly. Her curls spill out around her face, partially concealing her round cheeks, and I step forward to help tame them.

“Do you want me to put your hair up in a ponytail?” I ask, taking a hair tie out of my pocket. I usually keep one or two on hand in case of emergencies.

“Can you do a mermaid braid instead?” She doesn’t get the R sound in mermaid quite right, and it’s somehow the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.

“I can try,” I say, half-smiling. I’m not very good at that sort of thing and her hair isn’t very long, so I’m not sure I’ll succeed. I scoot her forward on the bed a little bit and move to stand behind her. “Hold still and I’ll try my best.”

She does exactly as I say, asking me about my progress as I struggle through a horrible first attempt then give up and start over. I can somehow perform a dozen different sutures in the operating room, but one French braid on a toddler seems incomprehensible. “Let me try one more time.”

In the end, it passes as a braid enough that when she reaches up to feel it, she beams.

I walk around to face her. “There. Now we don’t have to worry about your hair getting in your face all day. I can see your pretty eyes and your big smile.”

She delivers one then as if to prove how big it really is.

I smile right back. It’d be impossible not to.

“Did you come to play with me?” she asks, hopeful. No doubt she’s confused by the entire situation.

“Actually, I’m here to check up on your hand.”

She looks down at it as if only now realizing it’s injured.

“I have a ouchie,” she tells me, holding up the wrapped palm.

“I’m sorry.”

I sit down on the edge of the bed beside her. “Does it hurt?”

“No. I didn’t cry.”

“Wow. I would have cried.”

She narrows her eyes up at me. “Really?”

“Really,” I say, earnest.

She nods then, letting her hand fall back to her lap. “Can I take the Band-Aid off now?”

“Yes, but we’ll need to replace it and keep your ouchie covered for another day or two, just to make sure your hand feels better.”

“And then I can go home with my daddy?”

“That’s right,” I say, smiling.

From what Lois said, they haven’t been able to get much information from her about her family. I’m willing to try to see if I can succeed where they haven’t.

She thinks on what I’ve said then glances up. “I want to go to Gammy’s house instead.”

“Gammy? Is that your grandmother?”

She seems confused by the question.

“Does she take care of you?” I amend.

“Yes. My dad goes to work and I play with Gammy. She has a dog.”

“Oh, I like dogs.”

We stay there, sitting together on her bed and talking as long as my schedule allows. I’m aware of the care team gathering at the nurses’ station for morning rounds and I don’t want to keep them waiting. I stay with her right up until the last possible moment, and she tells me she’s going to wait for me to hurry back so I can read her books.

Over the course of the day, Jade gives us all a run for our money—not because she’s overly demanding, but because she has us all wrapped around her finger. Even Lois isn’t immune to her adorable charm. I see her bring Jade a little coloring book with some crayons during morning rounds, though when I mention it later, Lois outright denies it.