She laughs at the memory. Meanwhile, my stomach clenches tight. Those nights were horrible. I sat up, worried she’d be caught, counting the minutes until I’d hear her rocks hit the window. It was the rudimentary signal system we’d devised so I’d know it was time for me to open it and help her back inside.
“Sounds like you were a wild child,” Mary Anne notes curiously.
Ariana smiles, obviously proud of the title. “Oh my god, Maren—do you remember the night of JJ’s party? That feels like so long ago.”
She laughs at the memory, and I’m visibly taken aback. How can she bring up the subject so casually? How is she not more remorseful after all these years? The crap she put me through still stings, and I’m surprised to find pain stirring inside me, fresh as ever, even now.
Nicholas’ hand hits my lower back and he leans toward me.
“Come outside with me for a moment.”
I open my mouth to respond, but he’s already directing me away from the group, nodding toward the others while pushing me along.
His hand slides around my back, holding on to my waist, and to anyone looking, it’s obviously an intimate gesture, protective and loving.
I stutter-step and he grips me tighter, glancing down at me with concern.
“Are you all right?”
I nod but stay silent as we slip out of the ballroom and out into the warm air of the garden. It’s deserted since it’s still so early in the evening. There’s so much to take in inside that people haven’t found their way out here yet, no one but us.
“Why did you whisk me away?” I ask after he leads me down a shallow bank of steps and toward a bench, hidden from the French doors by a row of Italian cypress trees.
“You looked like you needed it.”
I hum and drag my finger along the smooth marble seat beneath me. Is everything here so perfect? Even the garden benches are pristine white.
“What’s wrong, Maren?”
I sniff and beat back the emotions threatening to overflow, glancing up at him standing in the shadows.
“Does no one cry here, either? I suppose there’s no need to, in heaven,” I quote.
He smiles softly, recognizing the words. “Wharton.”
“Cornelia’s favorite.”
He nods.
I glance back down at the bench, aware of the fact that he means to extract the truth out of me eventually. I might as well make it easy for him and for myself. “I guess I’m sad to realize Ariana isn’t who I want her to be, even now.”
“Isn’t she your friend?”
“Oh, I’m not sure she ever was.”
“I’d like to hear what happened between you two. Will you tell me?”
“What do you mean?”
“When was the moment you realized she wasn’t your friend?”
I laugh bitterly. The moment? There are too many to count. He’s intuitive, though. There was a specific night that hurts more than the rest, that damaged me more than the others.
“You heard her mention a party just now, and you must have seen my reaction…that’s why you pulled me out here. If you listen to Ariana, it was the best night of our lives. Wild. Hilarious…” I laugh sarcastically. “I remember it a little differently.”
He stands perfectly still, listening to me with earnest eyes.
I realize as I begin to talk that it’s the first time I’ve told the story to anyone. No one’s ever asked about it before, or even known to ask.
The words feel clunky at first, like I’m pulling them out of disuse after years of being stuffed away in the recesses of my hurt locker.
“I had just turned eighteen and Ariana wanted me to celebrate. I didn’t feel like it. I was a few weeks away from graduating out of the foster care system, and I didn’t have a place to go yet. My foster parents had offered to let me stay on at their place, but I knew I was keeping a bed from someone else, and besides, I didn’t love their house. It was tiny and all the kids had to share one bathroom. I was…ready to get out. I just didn’t quite know where I’d land yet.” I shake away the tangent and return to the important part of the story. “Anyway, Ariana convinced me to go with her to a party she knew about. I rarely went with her when she wanted to go out. I knew she was into some pretty hard stuff, and I’d met a few of her other friends. They seemed like a bad crowd to me.
“I mostly agreed to go so I could keep an eye on Ariana and make sure she got back home on time. She’d been getting into trouble a lot at the house lately—bad grades, bad attitude—and I’d heard Nancy and Bob threaten to kick her out if she screwed up again. I thought they were pretty serious about it, but Ariana didn’t really seem to care.”