Love the One You Hate

I smile and sniff back my own tears. “I’m pregnant.”

In an instant, he rolls up and off me, turning us so that we lie side by side facing each other. He lifts my shirt and looks down at my navel as if expecting a huge bump.

“He’s in there.”

Nicholas’ eyes snap up to mine. “He?”

“Oh, I don’t know. He, she—I’m not sure. Just ten minutes ago, I wanted a girl so badly so we could name her Cornelia, but a boy would be so wonderful too. We already know what to expect with boys, and we haven’t done such a horrible job with Cory and Edward, have we?”

He wipes a tear off my cheek and smiles. “I don’t care one bit. Either way, I’ll be happy.”

His hand drags along my stomach and I shiver instinctively.

“Should I cancel sailing? Hang here? Should we go to the doctor?”

“No, no. Take the boys. They’ll be so sad if you cancel. I’ll call and schedule an appointment for this week.”

It takes some convincing before he lets me get up. He wants to see the test, so I pull it out of my makeup drawer and show him and there are more tears, an embarrassing amount, but well…we’ve waited so long for this moment. A bit of emotion is warranted, I suppose.

After he leaves for the club with the boys and I compose myself as best as possible, I carry a cup of tea out into the garden and walk toward the bench where Cornelia sits looking out at the ocean.

I don’t say a word as I take the seat beside her. She and I are good at silence. Neither one of us gets nearly enough of it with the boys running around the house.

I sip my tea and watch the waves crashing against the shore.

There’s a cloudless blue sky overhead, perfect for sailing. I already know they will have a good day out on the water.

I take another sip of tea and then Cornelia’s hand reaches out to touch mine.

I know she’s reading my mood. I know she’s been aware of how jittery I’ve felt all morning. I let her hand rest on mine for a moment, calming me, and then I take it and lift it up so I can flatten it against my fledgling bump. It’s a silent confession, and when her breath hitches, I know she realizes what I’m trying to share with her.

She turns toward me, and her eyebrows tug together over watery blue eyes.

I smile and nod, giving her all the answer she needs.

“How?” she whispers.

I shake my head and shrug. “A miracle?”

She nods in sincere agreement then turns her attention back toward the ocean, dabbing tears from the corners of her eyes. She keeps her hand on mine, calming my shaky nerves.

I’ve always been grateful to Cornelia for the ways in which she changed my life, but never more acutely than in this moment as we sit in silence watching the waves come and go, together as a family, once and for all.