Date Me Like You Mean It

The jealous feelings faded, though, as Aiden held up the phone and told everyone to say hi to his girlfriend.

His girlfriend.

I smiled from ear to ear, trying not to sound completely ecstatic as I greeted his friends through the phone.

Of course, that was a few days ago, and now, those feelings have fizzled too. Today is another hard day. I know Aiden is heading from New Zealand to Dubai and will be out of touch until tomorrow.

I hate that my moods are starting to depend so much on him. The prospect of a phone call with him lifts my spirits all day. On the flip side, the knowledge that we won’t speak today makes me think, What’s the point? I want to skip out on work, go home, and face-plant onto my bed.

I’m not good at this.

I wonder how people go years without seeing their loved ones. I wonder if they’re cut from a different cloth, better than me somehow. I don’t like to feel weak. In fact, I feel like this situation is bringing out the worst qualities in me. I haven’t wanted to go out with friends as much, and I know Elise is frustrated with me. I’ve been more than a little distracted lately, and I really want to change that. I can’t continue on like this.

I decide having a concrete date for when Aiden and I will see each other again will help. That way I have something to look forward to.

When we talk the next day, I vow to ask him about it.

But then…we don’t get the chance. He texts me while I’m in a meeting, explaining that he’ll be working late, and I don’t even have the will to reply. I’m so frustrated I could throw my phone across the conference room.

When the meeting is over, I push my chair back and stand, prepared to flee back to my desk and lick my wounds.

“Hey, Maddie. Wait up.”

Dan rushes to catch me and throws me a gentle smile.

“You okay?”

“Oh, yeah.” I try on a smile, but the fact that it’s not genuine isn’t lost on him.

“Come on, you’ve been a zombie lately. Want to go out later and get a drink? I’m meeting some friends at O’Henry’s after work.”

Part of me wants to accept his offer, but I don’t. It doesn’t feel right to spend time with Dan outside of work, not with Aiden so far away.

“Maybe next time,” I say, and he doesn’t bother trying to persuade me. He tips his head and turns left when I reach the elevators.

That night, after work, I’m unpacking some groceries when there’s a knock on my condo door. It’s totally insane, but the first thing I think of is Aiden. He’s here. He’s come back and surprised me!

I rush to the door, turn the lock, and open it to find my roommate Lucy standing there with a look of relief on her face.

She smiles in appreciation as she brushes past me. “Sorry! I forgot my key again. Thank god you were home. I’m late for drinks with Owen and he’s going to kill me.”

I hum some kind of response just to let her know I’m alive, but meanwhile, I’m fighting the urge not to cry. It’s so ridiculous to be upset that it wasn’t Aiden at the door. I knew it wouldn’t be. He never once hinted that he was going to come visit me. I know he’s in Dubai. I know that, and yet…I just got my hopes up. That’s all.

I’m glad Lucy is going for drinks. When she and I are both home, we usually park it on the couch and hang out, but I like how quiet the condo is when she leaves. I like that for a split second, I can almost pretend it’s the old days, Lucy doesn’t live in Aiden’s old room, and he might get home from work at any minute.

I turn in early and fill up my bathtub with as many bubbles as I can manage without causing them to overflow. After I light a candle, I slip out of my clothes and step into the warm water. It feels good to sit down and let the bubbles engulf me. I tip back and let my body slip deeper underwater, closing my eyes, trying to fight back the sadness.

My phone rings and my eyes snap open. I left it on the mat just beside the bath, so when I lean over the edge, I see that Aiden’s trying to FaceTime me.

I try to answer immediately, though it takes a few attempts to successfully swipe across the screen because of my wet fingers.

The video call connects and I see Aiden walking outside, holding the phone out in front of his face.

“Hey,” I say, a bit sheepish.

We haven’t been able to FaceTime much, so it feels almost strange to be able to see him like this. He’s wearing a black suit sans tie. His hair looks lighter in the sunlight.