Date Me Like You Mean It

“I don’t want to start this all over again, more weeks without you. It’s too hard.”

“I know.”

“When will you be back in the States for good?”

I shake my head, and she tugs her arm out of my hold. It hurts that she’s pulling away again, but I try to ignore the sting.

“It could be after London, but I need to look at my schedule. After leaving Dubai early, there’s a good chance my editor isn’t going to be happy with me. I don’t know what comes next.”

“So then we just have to wait and see?”

I nod, hating that answer.

Maddie turns away then, walking out of the room without saying a word. I watch her go into the kitchen and open the fridge. She pulls out an apple, washes it, and starts cutting it into slices. She fills up bags with snacks for me to take to the airport. She makes sure I didn’t forget any of my things, and then she walks me down to my rental car. We haven’t driven it since we got home on Friday. The last time I was in there, Maddie and I were crazed for one another, nearly insane.

Now, she can barely look at me as I turn to give her a hug.

I think she’s trying to keep from crying, but I can’t be sure. I worry it’s something more. A part of me knows she’s about to draw a line in the sand.

I toss my suitcase into the back seat then walk over to join her near the driver’s side door.

“Thank you for coming to see me this weekend,” she says, running her finger along the door handle. “It was really nice of you to surprise me like this.”

I reach out to cup her face, tilting it toward me. “Please don’t be sad.”

“I’m not,” she says as tears gather in the corners of her eyes.

“I’ll fix this. I promise.”

“How are you going to do that?”

I shake my head, not quite able to form the words, and her mouth tips up into a rueful smile.

“It’s shitty timing, you know—us dating now. We lived in that condo together for years and we saw each other every day. Maybe this is our punishment for waiting too long.”

She sounds so close to giving up.

“It’s not a punishment.”

Finally she says the words I knew were coming.

“I just don’t see how this is going to work, Aiden.”

“We just keep trying.”

“Okay,” she says, nodding, but she doesn’t exactly sound enthusiastic.

I lean down so we’re eye to eye. “We keep trying, Maddie,” I say again, making sure she gets it. “You’re the person I want to be with. Okay? Through the bad times and the good. You’re my best friend.”

She nods and presses into me, grasping my shirt for dear life.

I wrap my arms around her.

She sidles even closer, squeezing me.

“Say it,” I prompt gently.

She laughs. “You’re my best friend too.”New York greets me like a slap in the face. It’s snowing and it has to be hovering between ten and twenty degrees outside. I don’t have the right winter gear on hand when I exit the airport. I flew straight from Dubai to Austin, and my suitcase is filled with short-sleeved shirts. I pass a souvenir kiosk on the curb and come close to buying a cheesy I heart NY sweatshirt, but they only have child sizes. I shiver as I get in the line for a cab. It’s long and slow-moving, a kind of malaise hanging heavy over all of us. It’s Sunday night, everyone’s just returned from out of town, and no one looks all that happy about it.

A group of cheery tourists breezes past, and they almost seem out of place. I want to grumble about them under my breath; that’s the kind of mood I’m in. Leaving Maddie was rough. Driving away from her in the parking garage, heading to the airport, returning my rental car, waiting in the TSA line—all of it felt wrong.

It’s weird how much I miss her already. I should be fine. I was with her a few hours ago. If I pick up my t-shirt and sniff, I could still smell her shampoo. I do it, too, just because no one gives a damn on a New York sidewalk. The scent of jasmine punches me in the gut.

Being with her in Austin was supposed to be like hitting the reset button, but it didn’t work that way. I feel as shitty as I did before I left Dubai—more so, now, because I know it’ll be a while before I see her again.

How long?

No idea.

I reach into my pocket to turn on my phone.

Guess it’s time to meet my fate.

It takes a second to power up. Another few seconds before my inbox and text messages load with everything I missed.

Coworkers flooded me with messages.