Fake It 'Til You Break It

I whip around to chase him out and the few feet down he’s gotten, hastily forcing my words past clenched teeth. “I am not you, and I’m sure as hell not Josie.”

His muscles lock tight and he freezes in place.

After a long moment, his chin tips over his shoulder, only half his face visible to me, but it’s enough for me to know that was the wrong thing to say, also noticing he doesn’t exactly look shocked I know about what she did to him.

I cross my arms. “Alex is a fucking liar. I don’t know why he tried to make it sound like I helped him, and I don’t know why he’s here early, but it wasn’t to meet me. I turned him down, Nico. You heard it with your own ears.”

Something shifts and he keeps me locked in his gaze until he disappears into a classroom door a few feet ahead.

My heart beats out of control as I follow.

I only make it a foot through and then he has me pinned.

His voice is low, not a hint of cruelty laced within his tone, though the words he chooses seem to be. “You realize I need no hall pass to fuck whoever I want, right?” His nose brushes mine briefly. “But, tell me something, would my sticking my dick in someone else not bother you none? ‘Cause all that, D, everything you just said to me in there, it tasted a lot like jealousy, so I’m thinking it would.”

When I don’t speak, he lifts his head, looking me in my eyes.

I am jealous. Completely.

“Why did she have attitude toward you the first day of practice?” I demand.

“Because I fucked her this summer,” he admits instantly.

My shoulders fall and I try to look away, but he doesn’t allow it, shifting to stay in my line of sight.

“I haven’t touched her since, and I have no fuckin’ plans to. She was good with it when it ended, I don’t know why she’s acting like a fool right now.”

I’m not sure if this is supposed to make me feel better or not, but it doesn’t.

He didn’t exactly do anything wrong, so I’m not mad at him, but I am mad at the entire situation.

As if reading the thought the second it crossed my mind, Nico cocks his head to the side, whispering, “Tell me you’re not as dumb as you are blind?”

“I don’t know what that means.”

He nods, allowing his hands to fall before he steps back. “Then I guess the answer is yes, D.”

With that, he walks out and I’m left wondering what wrong turn I took to get here, falling for the guy who only promised me a lie.

I’m a zombie the rest of the day, and thankfully we’re watching a film in chem so talking isn’t necessary.

I skip my after school dance practice for the first time in all my four years, because fuck Miranda, and head straight home.

I’m showered and lying on my bed within minutes, left with nothing but my thoughts to further ruin the day.

The light knock on my door a couple hours later has me pushing up on my elbow.

My mom opens the door and walks in, her lips pursed in an unpleasant smile.

At this point, I’m already emotionally spent. I’m prepared for her words, whatever they might be, another trip announcement probably, but when her mouth smooths out, concern lining her forehead as much as the Botox allows, my bottom lip begins to tremble.

“Demi...” she whispers, a softness I haven’t heard from her in... I don’t even remember when, but she hasn’t seen me like this... ever.

She steps closer.

And I break.

I cry for no real reason other than fear of what hasn’t even happened yet.

Surprising me even further, my mom doesn’t say what she came in here for, but instead sits on the edge of my bed.

She doesn’t speak, doesn’t touch me like a normal mother would feel comfortable enough to, but she doesn’t get up either.

She’s there when I fall asleep but gone when I wake.

It was enough.

I push to my feet and move toward the closet to grab some clothes.

I take my time getting ready, having no intention of getting to school early today. My mind is overworked and an anxious mess.

How I allowed myself to get to this point, I don’t know, but if I’m sure of one thing, it’s that I should give myself some room to breathe.

I need to distance myself from Nico because...

When he says it’s time to break, I just might.

He and I, we’re nothing.

Fake as the smile I’ll wear today.

Apparently, I even lie to myself now.

Once I’m ready to go, I grab my phone and my backpack and make my way downstairs, and sitting there, beside a slightly melted iced coffee is a note.

Prep for finals begins today.