Fake It 'Til You Break It

I drop my hands, allowing the ball to bounce off my chest. “How the fuck could you keep that shit from me? Two fuckin’ years, bro. You had two years to tell me you guys slept together and never did.”

Trent’s head falls before he meets my eyes again. “I fucked up. I’ve got no excuse. You told me freshman year you and her would never happen, and you started dating Josie on and off. I was the fool who believed you let Demi go just because you said you did. I get I should have stayed away from her regardless. You have no idea how shitty I’ve been feeling since I realized you still had feelings for her. Dirt,” he spits hatefully to himself. “I feel like straight-up dirt, man.”

“Not enough to open your mouth, though, yeah? Not until you had to?”

“I was straight-up terrified to tell you, didn’t wanna lose my best friend over something that didn’t mean what I knew you’d think it did. Nic, I swear on my life, man. I would never do something knowing it would fuck with our friendship. You’re like a brother to me. I would never risk that knowingly.”

I shake my head, and we both move back to the chairs.

It takes me a minute, but I look to him. “Why even fuck her? If it didn’t mean shit, Trent, why?”

“You really want to talk about this?”

I glare.

He sighs, sits back, and answers fuckin’ honestly.

“We thought it would be fun. Most of you guys had already lost your virginity at that point. She had no interest in anyone and didn’t see it happening anytime soon, and I... was a guy.” He shrugs. “I wanted to learn what to do so I’d be ready when it happened with someone else. We were pushed together so much by our moms that we trusted each other, so we drank a little to calm our nerves and then... yeah. It was really that fucking insignificant, man. Shirts were left on and all.”

“And you thought that’s what she deserved? Something purely fuckin’ meaningless?”

Trent looks away, wincing slightly. “It’s shitty, but uh, I didn’t even consider it, not once until the night I took Krista’s virginity. I wish I could say I regretted it before then because of you, but I didn’t until I realized what it meant to sleep with someone you love for the first time. I gave that memory to Krista and took it away from Dem.”

I sit there a minute, unsure of what to say to him.

“I’m sorry, Nic. I knew you crushed on her back then, and that should have been enough for me to tell her no. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you after it happened, but honest to fucking god I didn’t think you’d care or... fuck.” He drops forward, placing his elbows on his knees. “I guess I didn’t think at all. The minute I realized, though, I should have been honest. I know it only makes it seem worse, but at that point, it felt like we were in too deep.” He sighs. “I was afraid, plain and simple.”

“It’s never too late to be honest, but there is being honest too late.”

He nods, looking to his clasped hands.

I glare at his form a minute, then I lick my lips and say, “Luckily I’ve made some fucked up choices, told some big lies and lost a lot along the way.”

Trent’s head pops up and I lean forward.

“I’m not looking to lose my best friend, and sure as fuck not right now when I’ve got a lot of fuckin’ nothin’.”

I reach out with my fist and he pushes his knuckles into mine.

He knows I’m feeling cross, and that this will take time. We’ve got a fuckin’ field to walk, but I’m more than willing to spare the tread on my cleats to get us back. He’s family in every way that counts.

“I’m sorry, Nic,” he says, his eyes earnest.

“I know, man.” I nod, a deep sigh leaving me as I kick the ball at my feet across the concrete and into the pool. “So, you were at Krista’s?” I move the conversation, my eyes sliding to his while my head remains forward. “You guys are good?”

His brows knit, but he nods. “She wouldn’t even hear me out at first, but after a solid eight of begging and crying like a bitch outside her house that night, she finally took pity on me, let me in and listened to what I had to say.”

“But she knew about it already.”

“She’s known since the day we got home from camp. Dem...” He looks away. “She told all the girls.”

I scoff, looking off.

“When we argued the other night, it sounded bad. All that shit, anything I’ve said or done, Nic, it wasn’t about protecting Demi. It was about trying to save you from getting hurt in the end.”