Fake It 'Til You Break It

I give a sad smile, guessing, “You didn’t want me to get hurt.”

A low laugh leaves him and he glances at the sky before releasing a deep exhale.

“That wasn’t it, Dem,” he says quietly, his words heavy with guilt. “I’d never want you to get hurt, I hope you know that, but if I’m honest right now, and I feel like I have to be, it was him I was looking out for, not you,” he admits, shameful.

“It was true what he shouted the other night, he’s wanted you for a long ass time, but fear kept him from trying to get close to you. There were a few times when he thought he’d go for it, just before freshman year and then again when he found out you were in his PE class that semester, but both times he backed out, thinking he’d never be enough and decided it wasn’t gonna happen for you guys.”

“But enough for what?”

“Enough to keep your attention when approaching you would have meant he’d have to fight for it.”

I lower myself into one of the patio chairs, so Trent drops into the other.

“I don’t understand,” I admit.

“What Nico said to you about Alex, how he convinced you to start this in the first place, it’s true. Alex does take, he does want what someone else has, but not just anyone. Only Nico, and it started summer of eighth grade.”

My head begins to pound. “That’s when Nico stopped talking to me.”

He nods. “Exactly. Alex pays attention to Nico’s every move, and takes everything he can, however he can, always.” Trent’s eyes bounce between mine. “You, Dem, were the one thing Nico wasn’t willing to lose to him.”

My ribs constrict and I move my eyes to the grass. “So he stayed away...”

“Yes. So Alex didn’t know he wanted you, so he wouldn’t sweep in and steal your attention away before Nico had a chance to make you want his more.” Trent leans forward, and I move my gaze back to his. “Nico said he had something to gain, right?”

“He never said what,” I whisper weakly.

“Come on, Dem.” He gives me a dejected, knowing smile. “It was you. You were what he wanted to gain. All this, everything that’s happened, was to win you in the end, and not as his prize, as his girl.”

My pulse begins to race and I attempt to calm it by taking a deep breath.

“Nic might have stayed away and never told you, I don’t know, but all bets were off when Nic realized Alex might want you without knowing Nic did.”

And Nico saw I was interested in Alex. He knew I’d have fallen into Alex the second he made a move.

“Oh my god.” I close my eyes, covering them with my hands.

He was afraid to lose me, that’s why he insisted we play it out longer when Alex approached me only hours after he saw Nico and I together.

This had nothing to do with Alex and everything to do with me.

I let my arms fall to my lap, looking to Trent. “You should go.”

He gives a tight smile, nodding, as he pushes to his feet, and turns to leave.

“Trent,” I call once he’s halfway down the driveway.

He looks over his shoulder.

My chest tightens. “You think you guys will be okay, you and Nico?”

“Guys are complicated, Dem,” he says with a sad laugh. “But yeah, we’ll get there.”

The corner of my mouth raises.

“See you at school?” he asks.

I nod, opening my mouth to thank him, but as if sensing it, he lifts his palms and gives a small shake of his head, and walks away.

Once he’s gone, I pull my legs into the seat, and remain there until late into the night, working through every detail of the last few months in my head.

When I finally manage to bring myself inside and hours later fall asleep, I wake with the same thoughts from the night before.

I take my time getting ready and head for school.I let the door slam with my intentional late arrival and all eyes fly to the entrance.

Miranda reaches over and presses pause on the music before slowly rising to her feet. Her lips purse.

“Everyone break off with your partner and run one through five,” she tells them, not moving her gaze off mine as she takes small steps toward me.

I’m only three feet from her when she tips her head like a petty little bitch.

“Gotta say, didn’t expect this.”

“I’ll bet.”

She pops a hip out, crossing her arms. “I’m not letting you back on my team, so if you came here to grovel, don’t waste my time.”

“Unless you want the school board to know you’re sleeping with students, don’t waste mine.” I step closer to her.

Her eyes widen then sharpen in the same second. “You—”

“Save it. I’m the best you’ve got, Miranda. I’m taking my spot back.”