His lip tips, and it only takes a second for his shoulders to pep back up.
“Oh, I’d have rocked your world, baby.” He grips my knee shaking me.
“No doubt.” My eyes widen as my brows lift and he flips me off. “But only if I wasn’t a virgin, yeah?”
“Exactly.” He snatches the blunt from my hand and takes a hit.
“That like your one rule of thumb?” I tease. “Don’t wanna get ‘em sprung?”
He follows the ashes as they fall to the grass.
“I don’t wanna ruin it for anyone, and knowing me, RaeRae, they’d regret it later.” He licks his lips and looks back to me. “Least I can do is make sure it won’t be the one time they’re sure to never forget that they wish they could, yeah?”
My eyes soften and I tilt my head.
“That right there makes me think you’d be a solid first fuck, Royce,” I speak low.
He stares a second, trying to fight it but we both bust up laughing.
“Reason number two hundred seventy-five why I like having you around, RaeRae. You make me feel good, even when I’m feeling like a piece of shit.” He gives a soft grin. “You make me feel normal.”
“You’re not a piece of shit.”
He lifts his hands, beer in one, blunt in the other. “But I’m a bad guy.”
“No, you do stupid shit. You’re an awesome guy.”
He scoffs, his head facing forward while he looks at me out of the corner of his eye. “Would you let your daughter near me, if she was different than us?”
I wince, but thankfully it’s dark and he misses it. I swallow subtly. “Different how?”
“If she was good.”
I glower, shifting toward him. “I’d wish she could find someone like you.”
“Why?” he whispers.
“Because, you’d love her. Hard, raw, probably a little too possessively, and definitely beyond anything a normal guy could.”
“How do you know?” he rasps.
A deep crease forms on my forehead. “I just do.”
His eyes flick between mine, and finally, a small grin comes out. “So, I’m a catch, then?”
A laugh spits from me and he joins in.
I exhale and drop my head back. “You’re a catch, for sure.”
“And Maddoc?”
My lip tips up. “He’s the shark, ready to eat up all the others to stay on the tip of my tongue, like he wouldn’t be there regardless.”
Royce laughs. “You tell him yet?”
“Tell him what?”
“You love him.”
My stomach tightens and I take a sip of my beer. “Do I?” I ask, quietly.
“Damn, RaeRae. Never thought it would be one of us feelin’ it and having to shake it out the female.”
“I’ve never loved anyone, not even my mom, to be honest. Not even when I was young and dumb.”
“You mean innocent?”
I shake my head. “I was never that. I was a thief, and some would say a bully.”
I wasn’t, not really. I just didn’t let people run all over me, couldn’t if I tried. And I tried. It was so much easier to leave things alone and move along, a lot less messy and troublesome for me, but I’ve never been good at restraint.
“You were a natural born survivalist, a fighter.”
“I was a bebe ass kid nobody wanted around because I knew and saw too much or because they didn’t want to chance my mom slipping into their husband’s – sometimes wive’s – beds. She had no dignity. No hard limit. Just a sick bitch through and through.”
“Raven,” he calls, but I don’t look. “You’re nothing like her.”
At that, I roll my head against the house and I finally meet his stare. “I almost became her for him, for you. Is that what love is? Venom in your veins driving you to throw out all morals and self-respect for the sake of someone else? Without hesitation, and little to no remorse?”
His eyes tighten as he studies me.
“If it is, then how could loving him be a good thing?” I ask.
“I think it’s necessary.”
“I think it’s pathetic.”
“I think you’re wrong.” Both our heads snap right to find Maddoc and Captain standing there.
Shit.
His jaw clenches as he tries to keep his cool when I can tell all he really wants to do is flip the fuck out right now. He sure as fuck won’t do it here.
He kicks the beer bottle beside me and shifts his glare to Royce.
Royce holds up one hand while putting out the blunt with the other.
He hops up, pulling me with him.
I dust off my jeans and move to stand right in front of Maddoc, but he turns on his heels and starts walking. “Let’s go.”
Silently, the four of us exit around the side of the yard and head for Cap’s SUV.
Captain and Royce bullshit about nothing on the drive, but neither of us says a damn thing, and in a few short minutes we’re pulling in front of the house.
Cap and Royce step out and I dart just as quick, but he’s quicker and jumps out behind me. Gripping my elbow, he pulls me back, pushing me against the inside of the door frame.