“It’s the only way,” I tell her, not meeting her eyes. Keenan’s just coming out of the office when he sees us enter. He looks from her to me and watches in silence.
“The only way?” she says. Her eyes flash at me, and she throws her hands up in the air. “The only way?” Her voice cracks a little. She’s gone full on mama bear. “The problem is, it isn’t safe for them there. You know it isn’t.”
I sigh. “I’ll be with them,” I say. “They won’t be alone.”
“Doesn’t matter,” she protests. “You against those ruthless men? I know how they are. Don’t forget, I grew up among the likes of those men. I know what they’re capable of.”
I try to be patient, but I don’t have time for this. “I know that. But listen, we have our reasons for what we have to do.”
“You always do,” she says, her voice shaking. “Every decision we make comes down to this, doesn’t it?”
“Down to what?” I ask with a sigh. Keenan watches me from the door but still says nothing.
“The good of The Clan,” she says. “Always. It doesn’t matter if it’s good for anyone else, does it?”
I think before I answer her. Her heart is the very life of our brotherhood, our home, our family. I have a job to do and I’m tempted to dismiss her protests, but I can’t do that, not when she’s given so much to all of us. So I take in a deep breath, then let it out slowly, to calm myself before I speak to her.
“Mam,” I say, as gently as I can. “Yes. It does, and you know it. It doesn’t mean that others have to suffer for our sakes. It does mean we have to make decisions that will solidify and strengthen the brotherhood. If The Clan is attacked, or weakened in any way, you know the devastation that brings to countless others.”
She scoffs, but I know her resolve is weakening when she turns away from me and won’t meet my eyes.
“He’s right, Maeve.” Sheena’s says. “I ought to know. I once thought, not so long ago, mind, that all of you McCarthys were as guilty as the others. And I won’t argue they’re the Robin Hoods of Ballyhock. But I do know that without the McCarthy Clan’s strength, the other Clans in Ireland may come to power. And we can’t have that.”
Mam sighs and looks away. She bites her lip, but nods. “I know it,” she finally says sadly. “But you don’t know what it’s like, Sheena. To see the ones you love put themselves in harm’s way, every damn day. ’Tis like seeing my sons go to war on the frontline with no hope of it coming to an end.”
Sheena nods with sympathy. “I can imagine. Knowing how it felt to walk away from my brothers and sister and leave them in the state I did.”
Lachlan steps forward from behind Keenan and clears his throat. “Now that we’ve had our little family chat about feelings and all, perhaps we can move on to more pressing things?” He scrubs a hand across his brow. “Haven’t been to the gym in a few days, and goddamn I’d love to kick some O’Gregor arse already.”
Mam shakes her head. “Impossible, the lot of you,” she says, heading for the stairs. She speaks over her shoulder to Sheena. “I’ll pack up baby Sam’s things and make sure he’s got his special blankie and toys.” She turns to Lachlan. “And you. Watch that mouth of yours in front of the baby.”
He looks suitably abashed. “Sorry ‘bout that.”
She trots up the stairs. When she’s gone, Keenan looks my way. “Nolan, a word before you go?”
“Aye.” I hand baby Sam to Sheena. “Go. Pack. We leave within the hour.” I kiss her cheek and lean in to whisper in her ear. “I love you.”
I walk to Keenan before she even has a chance to reply. He and Lachlan follow me into the office and shut the door behind them.
“Well done, Nolan,” Keenan says. “You know I’m not above admitting when I’m wrong.”
I nod. A good leader shows meekness, and Keenan demonstrates this well. “Aye?”
“I was wrong about your ability to be a strong leader in our Clan,” he says. “What you said out there… would’ve made dad proud.”
His praise warms me through, but I only nod. “Thanks, Keenan. You’d have made him proud as well.” And goddamn, but he would have.
“Let’s not get all gushy again,” Lachlan says with a grimace. “On to business before we start holding hands and singing fucking Kum Ba Yah by the campfire.”
I cuff him upside the head, and he looks relieved, but it’s fleeting when Keenan speaks. He leans against the edge of his desk when he addresses him.
“Tell him what you found today, Lach.”