I have an insane, irrational thought she might take that little speck of barely noticeable dairy on her finger and place it to her tongue, licking it off with relish. I immediately feel like a douche for even thinking that, but Anna does nothing more than take the towel from my hand to clean her finger off.
There will come a time where I’ll think back on this moment and wonder if perhaps I’ve gone a little crazy from my time in captivity, but my hand seems to move on its own accord, snatching Anna’s. With startled eyes, she gazes at me, but I’m heartened not to see any fear.
Just curiosity.
My heart is hammering inside my chest. It’s not a new feeling, as I’d felt it plenty in Syria. When the bullets started flying, when I was tortured, when I was thrown into the hole. All fear based.
It’s fear now I feel as I stare down at this woman who has come to mean so much to me in such a short time, and I can’t even begin to understand what in the fuck I’m doing right now.
“I want something,” I say while keeping my eyes locked onto hers.
Anna’s head tilts… a silent what?
My mind spins, races… searches for the answer. It’s not fair for me to want anything from her, yet my mouth is forming the words before I can stop myself. “A kiss.”
Her eyes flare with surprise. “Oh,” she murmurs.
“Tell me to get out of your apartment,” I demand, a little too harshly, but I’m trying to make her see reason where I can’t seem to.
Fuck me to high heaven, but she steps in a bit closer to me and shakes her head. “I won’t do that.”
“Tell me what I want is stupid.” This time, it sounds like I’m begging.
“Never,” she promises in the barest of whispers.
“Tell me it’s wrong.” I dip my head, my gaze falling to her mouth. “Please push me away and tell me it’s wrong.”
Instead, Anna goes to her tiptoes, bringing her mouth right to mine. Clutching my hand hard, not touching me anywhere else, she presses her lips to mine. Suddenly, I know my life will never be the same.
Everything around us just disappears… her kitchen, the pie, the weight of the world. There’s only Anna, the sweet smell of her shampoo, and the beer on her breath. Her mouth is a thief, stealing the breath from my lungs, and I never knew something could feel so good and hurt so much at the same time.
“I have to go,” I mutter, pulling sharply away from her. Spinning, I nab my coat and head for the door.
“Wait,” Anna exclaims, and I can hear her rushing after me. “Please don’t go.”
I grab the door, start to pull it open, but then I realize I owe her more than this.
When I spin back around, she’s standing right in front of me, a pained expression on her face. Look at that… I’ve already hurt her from a five-second kiss.
“This is wrong,” I say. “Me… you… I’m sorry.”
Her hand is on my arm, insistently pulling at me so I’ll face her again. I do so with a heavy heart, prepared to tell her that I don’t deserve any of this.
Instead, there’s no speaking because her mouth is back on mine. She cups my face with her small hands, pressing her body against mine.
There was a time I wanted to die out there in that cold desert, but all I feel in this moment is life. Warmth, electricity, joy, fulfillment. All from her kiss, a mash of her lips against my mouth that speaks of everything she feels about this moment.
Anna pulls away, her hands still remaining on my cheeks to look me fiercely in the eyes. “There is nothing wrong with this.”
I don’t respond.
“Nothing,” she snarls before letting her hands fall away. She takes a measured step back. “But we’re both drunk, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let that be blamed.”
“Anna,” I start to say, but I quickly shut my mouth. I have no clue what to fucking say.
“Goodnight, Malik,” she says, leaning past me to open the door.
With a sigh, I shrug my jacket on and step out into the hallway. I feel like I’ve ruined everything, so I lift my gaze to take her in for what may be the last time.
Anna smiles, moves to the threshold, and reaches for my hand. Her fingers are warm as she wraps them around mine, giving a slight squeeze. “I expect you to kiss me again when we’re sober. Then you and I can debate whether it’s right or wrong.”
I blink in shock, her words penetrating and causing my head to swim.
Then her hand is gone, and she shuts the door in my face.
I have no clue what in the hell just happened.