That would be seventies’ classic rock, the Sopranos, and hiking. I’d spent a good chunk of the summer hiking local trails with Aaron, and I shared those spots with Griff as he meticulously typed them into the Notes app on his phone.
Toward the end of dinner, I was glad it was ending, if only for the fact I knew we’d venture into more personal information before too long, which meant I was going to have to lie to Griff. I wasn’t about to tell him I’d spent the last seven years in prison because I didn’t want to scare him off. My hope was I could skirt that little tidbit with some redirection and deflection, but the bottom line is… I like him well enough to risk that awkwardness to see where this goes.
I simply can’t ignore the fact that he’s the first man to even spark my interest in more than a decade.
As Griff walked me to my car, he asked me out again. More specifically, tonight, and I accepted. He’d leaned in and my breath caught in my chest, thinking he was going to kiss me, but all he did was brush his lips against my cheek before murmuring, “I had a really nice time, Bebe. Looking forward to tomorrow night.”
“Bebe,” Dozer chides with a low chuckle. “Lost you again.”
“Sorry,” I mutter, swiveling toward my workstation. “Was just thinking about the date last night.”
He returns to his desk, but he feels compelled to remind me, “That didn’t end in hot sex.”
“Nor will it,” I say primly.
“Prude.”
“I am so not a prude,” I insist, spinning toward him. “It’s just… isn’t sex only supposed to come after like date five or something?”
Dozer snickers, turning to fully face me again. “Bebe… I love you dearly, but you need to jump back into life with both feet. You’ve missed out on so much, and now you’re just hiding. But you’ve taken a step forward by going out with this guy. Now, I’m going to give you some important advice.”
Leaning toward him, I listen with keen ears. I trust him implicitly, so I’m going to listen.
Dozer takes a step toward me, then puts his hands on my shoulders. He ducks his head so he can stare me in the eyes. “You sacrificed your life to protect those you love and your country. You paid a price. Now you need to get your ass out there and live life to the fullest. If you want to wait until date five to have sex, you do that. But if you want to bang his brains out before your second date even starts, you do that, too. Both are the right answers. In other words, you do what makes you happy.”
Could it really be that simple?
That I should stop worrying so much about appearances and norms, and just do what makes me happy? My gaze drops to the floor as I ponder this, but then pops up to lock with Dozer’s. “But I’m scared. I mean, what if this doesn’t go anywhere? How do I even begin to explain my past to him? How do I build something with someone when I don’t even know if my past is going to catch up with me in a really horrible way?”
“All legit worries,” he replies softly, giving my shoulders a squeeze. “But you can’t let them hold you back. As for how much you share with this guy, I’m going to tell you to trust your gut. One thing I’ve learned about you over the last several months is that you have a great gut instinct. Don’t share if it doesn’t feel right. If it does feel right, know it’s a risk to divulge this and be prepared for the worst. I mean… what’s the worst that can happen? That he decides he doesn’t want to see you anymore?”
I nod glumly. That would suck. I’ve often regretted my poor choices, but never once had those regrets been focused on me. I’ve always been worried about how everything affected Aaron or my mom. Now I see there’s a longer-reaching impact. My crimes are always going to follow me.
“Then may I suggest,” Dozer advises with dramatic flourish. “That you fuck him first before you tell him so you can at least have a little fun before he dumps your ass.”
I can’t stop the hoarse bark of laughter, and I let it lead me right into a quick hug. Dozer holds me tight for a second, gives me a squeeze, then releases me.
I have no clue what’s going to happen tonight, but Dozer’s advice has opened up a hell of a lot more possibilities for me.CHAPTER 6Bebe“You sure this is cool?” Griff asks as we walk into the biker bar.
I nod, and the reason it’s cool is because Griff had taken a hold of my hand after we’d exited my vehicle. It’s amazing how the simple touch of a man’s hand against mine can cause the butterflies to zoom around my belly again. It reminds me of my first real boyfriend in ninth grade, and I can remember how glorious it felt the first time we walked the school halls while holding hands.