“I’d go straight for you, Sin.”
Her entire body goes utterly still. Her chest doesn’t even seem to be moving, meaning she’s holding her breath.
“If it’s what you want,” I continue. “I’d choose a normal life with you.”
“You would?” she asks breathlessly.
“You’re the only person I’d ever do that for.”
I wake up suddenly, wondering why I’d been jolted from the dream. Everything in it was real. A memory relived, exactly as I dreamed it, but there was way more to our conversation that night.
Tucked into my body, Sin is deeply asleep by the sound of her breathing. I wrap my arm a little tighter around her and close my eyes, trying to return to the dream again. It’s my last and best memory of what I used to have with Sin.
That night, we had started making real plans.
We’d debated about living in London—where she’s from—or maybe Birmingham since my mom had still lived there then. We decided on London, agreeing to try to convince my mom to move there with us.
Sin’s father, too. Somehow, we’d talk him into leaving his life of crime. We even joked we’d buy a huge house, so we could all live together. We’d even had a discussion about what type of dog we’d get—we’d settled on a Corgi because the queen had one.
Sin and I had even planned to have kids one day. Never discussed marriage, but not because we were opposed to it. I think we both assumed that would be the normal progression of things.
Rather, we’d concentrated on what we couldn’t have while leading the type of life we did. Marriage was possible with our ‘employment,’ but doing all that other normal stuff wasn’t realistic. I’d been surprised by how badly I found myself wanting it, but let’s be real… it was because I wanted Sin and I would’ve done anything to be with her.
I’m not able to fall back asleep, and the dream-like aftereffects eventually wane away. The romanticism and warmth I felt when I’d woken up drift off to leave me awakened to our cold reality.
I remember how that particular conversation ended that night. We’d decided when we were going to get out of the game. It was going to be after this last big heist we’d signed up for—boosting that 55 Jaguar D-type. With what we were going to make with our cut, we’d have had enough money to put down a sizable deposit on a house in the London suburbs.
Except it hadn’t worked out that way.
Sin had driven away in the Jag while I’d been handcuffed in the back of a cop car.
I try to push the anger down. I told Sin I’d forgiven her, and I have.
Guess that doesn’t stop the bruised feelings from throbbing from time to time, probably because it’s tough to realize everything I truly lost. Not just Sin, but that whole fantasy of a new life together, going legit and having things that would mean more than any amount of loot we could steal.
That normal life had been within my grasp. Doing it with the woman I loved had probably been something I hadn’t deserved, but damned if I hadn’t wanted it with my entire being. The loss of that had fueled my rage for so long. Then when my mother died while I was in prison, my rage exponentially increased.
It’s amazing to me now that I can even stand to be this close to Sin, knowing what I had and all the things I lost because of her decision that night.
Still, I manage to squeeze her again, even pull her in a little tighter to me. Despite my pain and losses, I cannot deny how fucking good it feels to be back with her again.
Only sex?
That’s what we said, but we both know that’s stupid. What we had was dynamically unique and unparalleled. The only way it could ever be replicated was if we let ourselves love each other again.
Can I do that?
I have no clue.
But a piece of Sin is better than no Sin.
She shifts in my arms, making a tiny kitten-like sound in her throat. It’s sexy and cute, all at the same time.
Shifting my head, I bring my lips to her neck—having to nudge that crazy hair aside—and press a soft kiss there.
She shifts again, rubbing her naked backside on my well-sated dick, then says in a raspy voice, “What are you doing awake?”
“Dream woke me up,” I say truthfully. I think there’s something about lying naked with a woman that tends to make a man transparent.
“Nightmare?” she asks, her voice sounding a little more alert. She pulls away, only to roll to her side so she can face me. It’s still dark outside. We’d left the hotel curtains open, so I can see her face well enough.
“I dreamed about that time we made all those plans to go legit,” I say.