I slam in deep, hold there, and lose myself completely.CHAPTER 17Barrett“I feel guilty,” I tell Cruce as my feet swing back and forth. “Just… doing nothing.”
We’re sitting side by side on the end of the dock. Despite Cruce’s best efforts to get me to walk around naked, I’m dressed, but scantily so. I’m wearing my laciest, most miniscule bra and panty set in a translucent white lace. I might as well be naked.
Dressed in nothing but shorts, Cruce holds a fishing pole. We’re waiting to hear back from Kynan on what the game plan is. Because I essentially have no more work to do on my formula, I did not say no to a late morning on the dock to soak up some vitamin D in the form of sunlight.
I feel guilty for other reasons, which I cannot divulge to Cruce. He’d kill me, and I’m still not sure they wouldn’t cause total panic within him over my transgressions.
Yesterday, I did something Cruce, Kynan, and Bebe had hammered into me not to do before we left.
Stay offline, they had said.
For my safety.
For Cruce’s safety.
But I’d made my breakthrough yesterday afternoon. While Cruce was out walking the island and doing his duty to protect me from the bad guys, I suddenly had one of those moments of clarity where not only did a light bulb go off, but I also felt like the scientific heavens had opened up and poured divine light down onto me.
I’d realized the elements that had been missing to get the lighter atomic nuclei to combine to the heavier nucleus, thus creating the beautiful process of nuclear fusion.
Of course, it’s all theoretical and I was calling on a dusty memory I had of something I’d read in an old periodical I did not have digital access to.
So, my guilt comes from the fact I could not resist the temptation to confirm what I was ninety-nine percent sure about, and I logged onto the satellite Wi-Fi Bebe had given Cruce to use only in an emergency.
To try make myself feel better, I justified that everything was encrypted and protected by the powers of Bebe, but since she’d been the most vocal in explaining there’s nothing in the digital world that’s absolutely safe and foolproof, I knew I was taking a risk.
I’d emailed my research assistant, taking no more than probably thirty seconds to do so. I immediately logged off after stating I needed the response as soon as possible.
I waited an hour, logged back on, and saw his response. It confirmed exactly what I needed to know.
I started to log back off, eager to return to work and do some theoretical hole punching to test the validity of my findings. But then one last thought occurred to me, and I let my excitement over the fact the end might be near get the better of me.
I sent a quick email to my uncle. Keeping it short, I’d been offline within mere seconds.
Dear Uncle Jon,
I’m close. Really close. Love you and thank you for all your support. See you soon.
Barrie
Yeah, I feel guilty as hell about sneaking to do those things. I’m suffering extreme remorse. However, I have to look at the positive. I woke up this morning, re-testing all my theories by working in reverse order. I did it four times until I realized… there was nothing else I could do. It had to go to testing.
Cruce had called Kynan and gave him the news. We were both told to sit tight and be patient while Kynan figured out the next steps as it could take a few days. He wanted to talk with my lab to figure out how to transfer my data securely from the island to their servers. He also intends to talk to my uncle to see if he has any other safety concerns. As Kynan pointed out to Cruce, my formula being finished doesn’t mean I’m safe. Even if others take my work and start actual reactor testing, it still doesn’t mean someone won’t want to pick my brain apart.
Right now, we are in the safest spot possible—although Cruce hypothesized it was probably going to be safe to go home soon, after adding some modified protection at my home.
Makes me sad this is all going to be over.
My time here with Cruce, I mean.
We’ve been here almost a week and a half. While stress has been high, and we’ve been socially isolated, I have to say some of my happiest moments ever have been here. Granted, it’s the nights or the early morning hours when I’m in his arms or he’s inside of me. It’s the conversations we share over meals. The way he moves. How he looks at me.
It’s how my body reacts to him. How sometimes when I just look at him while I’m up in the main house working and he’s on the beach, standing guard, I get almost giddy with emotion.