Dare To Love Again

“I hear everything that you’re saying, and I agree, she shouldn’t have left with the baby. But have you considered the fact that maybe she didn’t even know that she was pregnant? And you’re still not willing to accept the fact that something or someone was the cause of her leaving?”

“If she loved me, she would’ve come to me. She wouldn’t have left me the way she did.”

“What if she thought she was saving you?”

“What? What are you talking about?” What she was saying made no sense. Saving me from whom, from what? I had no known enemies that would facilitate such a thing.

“I’ve given this a lot of thought over the last two years. I just can’t for the life of me figure out why someone who was as in love with you as she was would just leave the way she did. The fact that she never touched that money, and left everything of worth behind speaks volumes to me.”

She hadn’t left everything behind. She’d taken my old varsity jersey that she used to like to sleep in on those nights when I couldn’t have her. Why did I think of that now? And why are mom’s nonsensical words starting to sound reasonable?

No, no way in hell. I’m not opening myself back up to such heartache. I trusted Giselle once, and she damn near gutted me, never again.GiselleI didn’t know Rebecca was going to be here. Funny, but I’ve tried my best in the past two years not to think about my ex-mother in law. As much as I knew my actions hurt Calen, I was sure that she too was left hurting and possibly very confused. I’d mourned her loss almost as much as I’d mourned him.

She was the first woman to show me a true mother’s love. I’d heard horror stories even leading up to the day of our wedding, about how fierce the groom’s mother tends to be, how it was normal for the same woman who had smiled and welcomed me to the family not that long ago to turn on me without provocation once I married her precious son.

I’d been afraid that this could be true, but in the back of my mind, I couldn’t see the sweet, friendly woman becoming the hoyden people described. I guess I was one of the lucky ones. She was never pushy or intrusive, but then again, Calen had never allowed her or anyone else to be.

I’d let him know in not so many words that my family and my past were not something I discussed readily. I just told him that my dad was long gone, and mom and I were estranged. I was surprised in the beginning that someone like him, with all his money, had been so accepting of my explanation and never pushed for more.

He never once questioned my motives, never asked for a prenup, never tried digging too deep into my family history, none of the things I was deathly afraid of. He’d shown me that I could be a whole person without need of a family or any kind of background to lean on. I’d always feared that I would live out the rest of my life alone because no one would want to be with someone, or could ever trust another with so many secrets.

I remember the way he’d hugged me close once he noticed the sadness in me when the topic of my parents came up, and can still hear the words he’d whispered in my ear like it was yesterday. “It’s okay, love, I’ll share mine with you.” And he had. I don’t know what he’d said to his mom and dad, but not once had they ever treated me like anything other than their daughter.

It was in the bosom of his family that I got my first real taste of what a normal family life was supposed to be like. The first time I saw Calen disagree with his mom and she just accepted and told him that he was right, I thought for sure it was a trap.

I hadn’t said anything, but I had been on pins and needles the whole of that day waiting for the other shoe to drop. I remember feeling fiercely protective and promising myself that if she tried doing anything to punish him, I wouldn’t let her. I’d ask to take his punishment instead.

When she’d just gone on to something else and had even laughed with her son, I remember the confusion I felt and how out of my depth. I learned to take my cues from Calen, and though I never came completely out of my shell, the time that I spent with them had taught me a whole new way of life. I have no doubt that I would’ve become much better had things worked out.