Dare To Love Again

But that didn’t stop me though all was not lost. Because you see, I’d convinced myself that none of those women were wife material, that he was just sowing his wild oats until he was ready to settle down, and when that time came, it was me he’d come looking for. I swallowed my pride each time he had some bimbo on his arm and satisfied myself with thoughts of our future together.

I got really good at seeing the pattern in his affairs, and that too gave me solace. None of them ever lasted a year. Until her, until he bitch that stole him from me. I knew she was trouble that she was different from the day they met. It’s the way he talked about her, the light in his eyes that was never there for me or anyone else that came before her.

I can still feel the knots in my stomach that I had that day when he was telling Donovan and I about her over drinks. I can still see that stupid look on his face. I remember the way Donovan had reacted as if he too had seen it. He’d congratulated Calen in a way he never had before when talking about one of his conquests.

I’d looked back and forth between the two men feeling sick while trying to calmly convince myself that this time would be no different from all the rest. Until that night months later, when once again, it was the three of us, and he was showing us the antique ring that had belonged to his mother’s grandmother.

I couldn’t hold back the scream of despair, but even then, I was quick enough to make it appear to be one of joy and excitement while I died inside. I hated since that moment with an unbridled resentment that has never waned. If I could’ve killed her, I would’ve in those first few days after the engagement. She was all he could talk about, the man who ate, slept, and breathed business was acting like a lovesick schoolboy over someone as unworthy as her.

He’ll never know how many times I died inside, seeing the two of them together. How much I ached each time, I saw him hold her hand or touch her in some way as if he couldn’t help himself, not even when others were around. I hid my hate well, but thoughts of how to get rid of her were never far from my mind.

I was giddy for days after I found her mother, and it didn’t take me long to figure out why she’d kept her family a secret. If anyone hated her more than me, it was the woman who gave birth to her. I reveled in that hate and couldn’t wait to stir the pot. At first, the most I could hope for was that the mother would cause drama in their marriage, disrupt their lives to the point where Calen and especially his mother would have enough.

So imagine my surprised pleasure when Ann assured me that she would be getting her daughter away from Calen. At the time, I couldn’t see how, but the other woman was adamant that she could do it, and it wasn’t long before the divorce happened. It was all I could do to hide my glee back then, but I had to play the part of the aggrieved friend.

I held his hand and was there as a shoulder to lean on and was very pleased when he said he didn’t need one. He’d gone right back to being the way he was before, something I now see may not have been a good sign. But at the time, all I could think about was biding my time once again. I couldn’t allow anyone else to come in between us again, so I stuck close to him, leaving no space for anyone else to intrude.

For two years, he didn’t stray even a little bit, something else that should’ve been a warning sign. I thought the man I knew was strong enough to be over a little nobody like her. Why did she have to come back now and with a child, a son? I know Calen; even if he hates her guts, he’d never let go of his child.

But now he knows the truth, doesn’t he? The truth about my part in splitting them up in the past? So what? It was her decision to leave; I didn’t force her. I dropped down on a chair but jumped right back up again. I can’t sit still; I need to know how things are going. It was my last shot at happiness, and I had to take it. There was no reason for Calen to see my hand in it this time, either. Hadn’t the bitch left once before? There’s no reason for him to blame me, not if Ann does her job right this time.